I really hate my brain.
It's current aim is to punish me for enjoying myself and having a great weekend where I felt 'normal' again and was really happy. My regular readers will know that this weekend just gone was 30 Seconds To Mars' O2 Arena show that I went to with Helen. We were side of stage and it was amazing!
In response to my 'high' of the weekend and it's preceding days my mood has now come crashing down to absolute rock bottom. This happens every blooming time that I do something fun or exciting that I'm looking forward to. It really does feel like I'm being punished for daring to have fun or feel positive. I'd be ok if there was even some kind of middle ground, feeling a bit low or flat, but no I get to have my mood on the floor and get it trampled on.
I really can't emphasise how much of a contrast there is between the weekend's mood and my mood at the moment. Today I'm choking back tears that keep coming for no reason, have zero appetite, am being plagued by constant anxious thoughts that are skipping across a nice range of subjects from my bunnies to Christmas to life in general, I'm totally drained out and to be honest if I could hit the 'Off' button today I would.
Of course I can hang on to the hope that my mood will switch 'up' again in the next few days to give me a bit of respite from the black mood that's sticking to everything at the moment. When this happens you will of course get a far too overexcited blog about the concert complete with lots of photos of the show and also of our day of Christmas shopping on Oxford & Regent Streets!
Love Jen
XxxxX
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