Flying The Flag For Teenage Goths

A study on the BBC Website has today reported that teenage goths are more prone to depression and self-harm (here's the link http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-34065763">http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-34065763), firstly I have to praise the BBC's report for it's balance and un-sensationalism (unlike The Daily Mail's doom-predicting article about the Emo movement http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-566481/Why-child-safe-sinister-cult-emo.html">://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-66481/Why-child-safe-sinister-cult-emo.html which still makes me die laughing - no pun intended).

 

As a late teens/early 20s and now (sadly) late 20s part-time goth I do concur with a lot of what the report says. One of the teenagers interviewed points out that she was depressed and self-harming long before she became a goth, she says that when she discovered the alternative lifestyle it's music was a comfort to her and was the first type of music that reflected what was going on in her head.

 

As I now realise with hindsight being the wonderful thing that it is, I've in a way always been a bit depressed (at primary school I just thought everyone had days or moments when they wanted to cry or hide) as part of my Borderline Personality. Music and (as much as you can have as a teenager) lifestyle-wise I was about the same as everyone else until I was about 14 - I tried to dress as cooly as the popular kids and listened to the same pop, dance and rap music. My cultural awakening so to speak was when the Nu-Metal wave appeared with bands like Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park and punk-lite bands like Blink 182 and Green Day. It was the time of the classic 'band hoodie', showing your allegiance to your favourites.

 

The bands wrote about classic teenage woes of feeling isolated and no-one understanding you (easy to mock but I still get the same nowadays), best of all they were the complete antithesis to the music and style that the 'cool kids' who made my life hell liked. It felt like a rebellion against them, a rejection of their views about me and showing them that I didn't care. At college there were no uniform restrictions so I lived in my black or purple flared cords and my Nirvana/Black Sabbath/Green Day tops. My eye shadow was black and for the first time I felt confident in my 'look'.

 

Naturally when the 'Emo' movement came around in 2007 it suited me too, admittedly I was probably 5 years to old but ya can't win them all. There was so much good music assoctiated with it too - I loved My Chemical Romance's classic Black Parade album, AFI, Aiden, The Used etc. I guess I was a classic Emo as I lived in black, even more than before, and was going through a very depressed stage with a lot of self-harming. But then again so was my friend Nat and she hated rock music, preferring dance and pop! The dark lyrics were almost a copy script of what my head was saying, they still apply on my bad days even now. The place I worked at the time was pretty casual so I could wear my My Chemical Romance top and black jeans to my heart's content!

 

Nowadays I don't get to 'goth up' as much as I like, it's not particularly work appropriate (although today I've managed a black dress, black leggings & DMs with my 30 Seconds To Mars hoodie to throw on when I leave), although I manage to sneak in plenty of eyeliner and dark red lippies, I also have my favourite MAC Cyber lipstick for the weekends (it's a gorgeous dark purple). I also have the irritating habit of catching a tan no matter how much sun block I wear (I use a Factor 50 kids one for god's sake!) which is the #1 goth fail! I prefer my hair dyed black, if it's any other colour I don't feel like 'me'. I love my piercings and black nail polish - although I have upgraded from Claire's Accessories & Miss Sporty polishes to Avon (my favourite is their liquorice shade) and Opi.

 

I can also make as much 'goth' jewellery as I have room for, today I'm rocking my self-made silver necklace with a skeleton hand, 2 skeletons and a skull on it along with my favorite blue skull ring. Halloween is still my favourite day of the year, it's basically my Christmas, and it's build up is the perfect excuse to make loads of cool decorations - skulls, bats and spiders a-plenty!

 

I guess what I'm trying to get across is that there is nothing 'wrong' with kids turning to a movement that they can identify with, feel included in and supports them. In my opinion a rejection of the mainstrea is a good thing, it shows independant thinking and an open mind to new experiences and cultures. I'm thinking perhaps I should hand out some goth starter packs - some black nail polish, studded wrist band, eyeliner and jewellery!

 

And of course it could be for worse, they could become chavs!

Love Jen

XxxX 

 

Cutting The Ties

This morning on the news there's been talk about zero hours work contracts with the boss of McDonalds in the UK confirming that they will continue to work with this contract type. In this case it seems pretty fair as staff receive their hours 2 weeks in advance. Obviously there are widely reported abuses of such contracts in other companies with examples of staff turning up to work only to be told they aren't required that day!

 

It must be incredibly frustrating having paid to get to work, either via public transport or your own fuel costs, I've only had one experience when I worked at Asda on a weekend contract and they gave me a Saturday off as my "floating" day off that staff are given each year but forgot to tell me! Luckily I only had to walk around the corner to get home! I'm on a zero hours contract in my job on the staff bank at the hospital but I'm one of the lucky people who benefits from this kind of contract.

 

Going back to working on the staff bank has made me realise that I actually have a massive fear of being trapped or commited to situations. When I worked in the records library back in 2010-2011 it was also on the staff bank and although I was restricted to 3 days a week by the end of my time there I loved it as I could arrange my days around any time off I needed. Whilst I couldn't work that little now with bills and my credit card and my drive to bump my savings up, back then it was ideal.

 

Right now I work a 4 and a half day week, with the half day off being through my choice on a Tuesday afternoon to co-incide with Helen's day off. Basically I don't get paid what I don't work, which means that when I take days off I take into account that I will have to budget a bit more carefully the following month. I earn a hell of a lot less that I did at my last job but in a way it hasn't made nearly as much difference as I thought it might. I was earning an extra £3/400 each month before and looking back I realise how much of it I was squandering when I should have been saving it or chipping off of my card (not that I have a massive amount on it).

 

I'm obviously buying a lot less especially clothes but I find I'm using things a lot more especially my pretty vintage style dresses which I wear to work a lot. It's amazing how a boring day can be brightened by a tea dress! Days out don't happen quite as often but it makes me appreciate them even more when I do have them. Money can often be a bit tight but I budget as best I can per week and as yet I've not run out of money at the end of the month ...... yet.....

 

I feel free in this job, I can have time off when I want so long as I let them know a few days in advance or crucially when I need it if I nosedive again. I'm not being constantly scrutinised and people are genuinely pleased to see me each day. I've been assured that there'll be work for me as long as I want it, which suits me as I love the idea of a "permanent temporay job". It means that I'm likely to move around different departments and learn new aspects of the hospital. So long as I don't end up on reception again! it's just nice knowing that I'm not being forced into working with anyone or doing anything I'll be stuck with for the next few years!

 

It's the same with being in a relationship, when I split up with my fiancee Adi 4 years ago although I was absolutely gutted there was a tiny part of me that was relieved. I'd begun to stretch my wings once again after years of being depressed and satisfied to sit at home doing nothing save the odd concert or walk around Brighton or London if I was really lucky! There's only so many times you can stand watching someone play Grand Theft Auto! When we first got together all I wanted to do was get married and have kids to the point of desperation!

 

The wing stretching didn't sit particularly well and there was a lot of sulking and attempts at ultimatums. It's lucky we ended it when we did else we'd have just gotten bitter and ended up hating each other which is not healthy when leaving a relationship. Ending mutually whilst not as 'friends' as such made it a lot easier. It's incredibly lucky that marriage and kids never happened really!

 

Nowadays I really can't think of anything worse than being in a relationship let alone having kids. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against it, seeing my friends in loving relationships and with kids makes me really happy, but it's just not for me. Of course I do have days when I feel lonely and unattractive (especially since I've had not a flicker of male interest in me since I've been single) but this is counteracted the mornings I wake up from nightmares that I have a partner and am desperately trying to get out of the relationship! I know that relatonships involve give and take and my relationship probably wasn't the healthiest in the respect that everything was centered around his wants and needs,  but because I've never had much self confidence the thought of someone being able to love me and even find me attractive negated that.

 

I guess years of being in a relationship and pretty much devoting my time to pleasing the other person without paying attention to myself, or putting up with bad working environments has sent me running to the hills at the thought of permanence or being tied down! It's also allowed me to be occasionally selfish for the first time ever, whilst I will always put wants and needs of my family and friends first but I will sometimes say no or if I want to do or see something just do it.

 

I'm not sure if that's selfishness or just emerging independence?

 

Love Jen

XxxX

Worshipping At The Alter Of Music

Today's "Thought for the day" on Radio 2's breakfast show (how grown-up do I sound advertising that I listen to Radio 2?) was about music, the priest this morning was discussing her favourite songs from her youth and current favourites. She pointed out that her musical selection tells people more about her than any of her sermons. She quoted Victor Hugo who said "Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent".

She explained that was why music was used so much in Christian worship, to make people better understand God's message. Whilst I am not religious myself I completely agree with her point.   

 

To me music is my religion, I put my faith in the songs of my favourite artists, they guide me, inform me, inspire me, give hope and provide comfort. Music has long been my emotional crutch, something that I could rely on to always be there for me when no-one else understood what I was thinking and feeling or I couldn't express my emotions.

 

Music allows me to express myself, be it through my tattoos of my favourite band's symbols, wearing a particular band shirt or dressing to reflect a certain musical movement - I can cover Punk, Grunge or Emo in my wardrobe depending on how I feel that day. It lets me defiantly state who I am and what I believe in.

 

Going to a concert is similar to a pilgrimage, whilst it probably doesn't involve walking thousands of miles barefoot some people will travel 100/1000s of miles to see their favourite band. A case in point is me and Helen travelling to Niagara Falls to see 30 Seconds To Mars (and the shock and impressed look on Jared's face when I told him how far we'd travelled will stay with me forever) we thought nothing of it.

 

Whilst I hasten to add that I don't 'worship' my favourite artists or see them as 'gods', I see them as ordinary people blessed with an extraordinary talent who use this gift to communicate to people around the world. A concert is also like religious experience, like a sermon on the mount I guess, the crowd looks up to see and hear what the person/people on stage have to say. They take their messages as an instruction for how to live their lives - this of course can be good or bad, Lady GaGa preaches for equality for the LGBT community whereas some rap artists spread messages of misongony and intolerance bordering on hate.

 

There is a real community spirit around music just like religion, when you're at a concert you talk to those around you, welcoming those who are seeing the artist for the first time into the fold or comparing previous live experiences with others. Through the social media explosion you can always find someone to talk to who loves a band or singer as much as you do. I met Helen my best friend through both being 30 Seconds To Mars fans, proof that religion brings people together. People who talk or meet through their love of music will also support each other through life crises completely seperate to music.

 

Whether you're considered to have 'good' or 'bad' taste in music is irrelevant, people have spent 1000s of years arguing about which is the 'true' religion in much the same way we argue about who the greatest artists ever to have lived are. People believe with the same passion in their gods or favourite bands, they pray to a god or they blast their favourite song in times of need.

 

Personally I choose to worship at the alter of music and to rely on it to join me in my journey through life.

 

Love Jen

XxxX

Goodbye Beautiful Lady - My Love Affair With Vulcan XH558

 Last Saturday was the last time I will ever see Vulcan XH558. It's like saying goodbye to a treasured friend or relative. People look strangely at me when I eulogise about XH558, my excitement when I know I'll be seeing her, how can someone be so passionate about a plane? But she's more than just a plane. To me she represents the brilliance of British engineering, the beauty that machinery can have, she's not called The Spirit Of Great Britain for nothing!

Growing up I was fascinated by aircraft, age 10 I went to Biggin Hill airshow for the first time and I was hooked. I devoured (and still do) programmes or articles about aircraft and began to learn about the vintage aircraft of the world wars and the cold war. One that always stood out for me was the Vulcan. To me and my limited knowledge of avionics (it's not much better now!) it just looked perfect.

My Dad told me about how she used to stun crowds at airshows and shake the ground with her roar. I was so jealous that he'd seen her fly and wished I could have the same experience. We went to Hendon aircraft museum when I was 16 and I saw a Vulcan up close there for the first time and she was even more beautiful than I imagined.

When it was announced that the Vulcan To The Sky Trust were working to get Vulcan XH558 flying for one season I was incredibly excited. Me and Dad followed the updates on her refurbishment closely and when she took her first flight at the end of 2007 I knew that I had the chance of finally seeing a Vulcan fly.

My moment came in July 2008 at the Farnborough Airshow. As soon as we got onsite I insisted that I was off to find her, to make sure she was real.

And there she was

When it came for her to take off she started taxiing so slowly, then those engines came to life and I heard my first ever Vulcan howl. The sound just built and built and she thundered off of the runway. I clearly remember the very experienced commentator being stunned into gasping "Just wow".

Up she goes

Vulcan to the sky

Once she finished her display I knew that I had to see her again, no matter what it took. I was so relieved when it was announced at the season that they'd raised enough money to keep her flying.

I tried to do my bit by purchasing bits of merchandise from the Vulcan To The Sky website and from the Vulcan Village stores at airshows, an adorable 'Brunty Bear' for, calendars for the kitchen each year and shirts and DVDs for Dad (lucky he's as big a Vulcan fan as me!). 

Airbourne 2009 - dropping hints as to who I'd like to visit us in the future!

I next saw XH558 at Shoreham airshow in 2009. Her display wasn't as cautious as the year before and she really let rip with the engines and howl at the top of her climb!

Shoreham 2009

At the following year's Farnborough Airshow we managed to get a spot by the runway so that we had a good view of the aircraft as they started their taxis and also as they landed. This meant I got closer to XH558 in flight than I had before!

Getting a good view of XH558 in the static aircraft park

Brunty Bear enjoying his day out

Getting ready to taxi

About to touch down after her display

I'd also started making (very) amateur videos at airshows so finally caught her on tape!

 Due to technical problems that XH558 suffered early in the 2011 season I didn't get to see her at all and I really missed her, she'd started to become a real fixture of the shows I was going to. 

Luckily she was back for Farnborough 2012 brightening up a day of typical British summer weather!

Gotta love the summer!

Dad with XH558

Up she goes!

 The infamous howl!

Later that summer my wish finally came true and XH558 graced the skies of Airbourne, after travelling around the South East to see her it was really special to see her in my home town and I was really proud that Eastbourne was finally seeing how amazing she was. It was the busiest day they'd ever had in the history of the airshow - proof of the famous 'Vulcan Effect'.

Here she comes!

A wing over over the sea

2012 was a really good 'Vulcan year' as I also saw her at Shoreham again. 

Climbing for the howl

Open bomb bay

Final pass

I next saw XH558 was in the blistering heat of Farnborough 2014, it was the perfect summer's day and she positively sparkled in the sunshine! We were right up on the runway fence and so got a completely unobstructed view. 

Ready to taxi

 

Perfect touchdown

If I thought I'd got as close as possible to XH558 then I was in for a fantastic surprise. On Friday 29th Aug 2014 it was announced that a local Eastbourne resident had paid for XH558 to carry out a flypast at Beachy Head the following day. I was so excited as I'd seen the videos of her circling Beachy Head back in 2012 and had seen how close she'd been then. 

I wasn't disappointed. She came so close I felt like I could reach out and touch her. She flew level with us and I'll never be as close to something that majestic in flight ever again. It was just perfect. 

You can see from this Youtube video how close she came -

Running in

I barely needed the zoom!

Post-howl departure

The final time I spent time with my beautiful lady was Saturday 15th August this year at Airbourne. We went to Beachy Head to watch her circle before the show. As I said on my Airbourne Review blog, the moment she appeared from behind the cliff I just cried. She looked so perfect and graceful and I ached knowing that this would be the last time she flew over Eastbourne. 

Appearing from behind the cliff

Giving everyone on top of the hill a treat!

It was amazing looking down on her running in to the show

I wish I'd thought to make a video of her display but I was far too busy being completely over-emotional, luckily there's a couple of great videos on Youtube of her display -

And now it's the end of my meetings with XH558, but like all true love affairs my love and adoration for her will never die, I have so many fantastic memories of seeing her at different shows and I know she'll continue to inspire aviation fans young and old alike. 

Thank you XH558 and the Vulcan To The Sky trust, you mean so much to so many people.

Love Jen

XxxX

Shoreham

No doubt you've all heard on the news about the horrendous disaster at Shoreham Airshow on Saturday, whilst I wasn't there (I was due to go the day after which was, quite rightly, cancelled) nor do I know anyone who was involved I felt I had to post something, just to convey my horror and sadness at the events. I won't be posting the link to this particular blog on Social Media (unlike I do with all my others) as the last thing friends and relatives of the victims need is some amateur giving her opinions on the events.

 

The Hunter that crashed just before half past one on Saturday was piloted by Andy Hill, an ex-Harrier pilot, British Airways captain. He also displays various other types - in fact I have seen him at various shows over the years displaying the Jet Provost, Bulldog and as part of the RV8TORS display team (just last week at Airbourne in fact). He was an incredibly talented and capable pilot and all I can just imagine his horror when he realised what was about to happen - the video shown across the news channels shows him desperately trying to avoid the road.

 

Tragically he wasn't able to avoid the road and innocent people have lost their lives in a horrific manner. The photos of the debris are like something from a disaster movie, but all too real. I must however mention that the people who felt the need to film the aftermath, the burnt out cars and plane wreckage and post it on social media are truely sick. If you can't help then for gods' sake please don't film it! Have some damn respect!

 

I can't even begin to imagine how the friends and relatives of all involved must feel, we must also remember though those at the airshow who also witnessed the crash and resulting fireball. I've been at an airshow, Biggin Hill about 14 years ago, when a pilot crashed and was killed - the whole crowd of 1000s of people just goes silent, it's horrible.

 

The media aren't being particularly helpful, on BBC News' Saturday night review of the papers one woman tried to say that airshows are incredibly dangerous and have killed lots of people over the years. The last time any member of the public was killed at an airshow was back in 1952 at the Farnborough Airshow when the DH101 (later to become the Sea Vixen) crashed into the crowd. Whilst there have been fatalities since, these have been restricted to pilots (in no way any less tragic) and not spectators. This is of course a completely different case as those killed and injured were not participating in the airshow as spectators. But the suggestion that airshows are somehow dangerous is utterly wrong and ill-informed.

 

Another comment on the same programme was a panelist speculating about whether we can "legislate against vintage jets flying at airshows". These aircraft were built for conflict, if there was any weakness in them they wouldn't have been allowed to continue being developed. Another point is that for any vintage aircraft to receive a flying permit they need to go through incredibly stringent tests, and even more stringent assessment is required before they receive their public display licence - in fact the most stringent tests in the world are applied to our aircraft. Of course a modern plane is in theory just as likely to crash through technical failure or pilot error (I hasten to add this is no way speculation on Saturday's incident!) these things happen.

 

This morning another question on the news was "Should these Hunters be allowed to complete looping manouvers?" - back in 1958 22 Hunters performed a loop the loop - 22! I feel that answers that question.  It was also pointed out that the Hawk T1s used by the Red Arrows are also ageing airframes but are regularly thrown about the skies. This afternoon the Civil Aviation Authority has put a temporary ban on vintage jets performing anything other than fly pasts, I hope this is lifted as soon as the investigation is concluded. These beautiful ladies were built to perform these manouvers. However I totally accept that safety MUST come first.

 

I can't really say any more than that I'm heartbroken over what has happened and so so so so sorry to the victims, their friends and familes and also to Andy Hill and his friends and family who will be suffering just as much.

 

RIP and I'm so sorry.

 

Love Jen

XxxX

 

Airbourne 2015 - A Geek's Review

I'm already having Airbourne withdrawal symptoms and it's only been a few days! The show was a big success, the beach was packed on the Saturday (as were the downs) and the Vulcan caused a social media storm! 

The show was supposed to start on Thursday but the weather all across the South East literally went bang!  Eastbourne really bore the brunt of it with thunderstorms and flash floods (the shopping centre got evacuated after flooding). A thunderstorm started about 3am in the morning and carried on until about 2pm! and the flying was cancelled for the day. http://www.itv.com/news/meridian/update/2015-08-13/flooding-closes-arndale-centre-in-eastbourne/

After the crazy, crazy weather on Thursday the sun came out and the show finally got started on Friday. 

Hooray for sunshine!

Opening the show were the Tigers Parachute Team representing the Army

I'd love to give this a try!

We had a display from the Royal Navy Sea King demonstrating a search and rescue exercise with the lifeboat.

Continuing the helicopter theme it was fantastic to see the Chinook being thrown about the sky as if it was as light as feather. 

Waving to the crowd

There was also an interesting combination of training aircraft with the RAF Tutor & Scottish Aviation Bulldog flying together. 

Bulldog (L) and Tutor (R)

I like the angle of this photograph I took of the Tutor

Bulldog

We had the usual fantastic display from The Blades -

How close?????

I really like this season's livery

We had more aerobatics from the RV8TORS

Some more nice livery

With the BBMF stranded at RAF Coningsby by bad weather further up the country (the tail end of our weather on Thursday!) and the Kittyhawk going tech for the weekend I was worried we'd be warbirds-less. Luckily John Romain saved the day with his gorgeous MK9 Spitfire.

Looking absolutely stunning in the sunshine.

Next up we had the RAF's modern defender of the skies as the Typhoon thundered overhead.

 

Closing the show for Friday were the Red Arrows, proving my theory that the sun always shines for them! It's like a law of nature or something.

The Diamond Nine

Highlights of Friday's show

On Saturday Helen, Mum, Dad, Chris, Vana and I headed to Beachy Head in hope of re-enacting the 'Vulcan over the lighthouse' video from Youtube. 

Chris looking most impressed with his seating arrangement in the Landrover

Playing "How many people can we squeeze in the back of a Landroveer?" with Vana

On the downs with Helen and Corney (in his flying goggles)

Ello Corney

Chris being tech-support to Mum's tablet

Helen, Corney, Dad, Mum, Chris & Vana (and assorted plane geeks in the background)

Plane geek with camera, radio and Vulcan top!

I'd forgotten how much I like watching the show from the downs, it gives you a completely different perspective and you can frame your photos using the bay. You also have a good chance of some low flypasts with aircraft running in from Beachy Head (more of that later!).

The day started off with the lovely surprise formation of the Blenheim Bomber and two Spitfires running along the seafront.

I really like this photo *pats self on back*

The show started properly with the Chinook

Look at the down-draft

Jet Provost

The Typhoon was just as noisy from the downs as on the seafront - especially when it shot past when we weren't expecting it 'till later!

Upsetting the seagulls

John Romain's Spitfire

You don't often get to look down on a Spitfire!

The first of the visitors from the Norwegian air museum was the MIG-15 which I'd not seen before and had a really impressive climb rate.

Lovely looking plane

The Sea King was up next with a repeat of her demonstration with the lifeboat ...... unfortunately all of us on the downs were a little distracted by a lady waiting in the wings .......

Me being the geek that I am, the moment she appeared I cried. It was ridiculously emotional knowing that this was the last time she'd ever grace Eastbourne's skies. 

Sea King meet Vulcan, Vulcan meet Sea King

Running in for her display

She was even more stunning than I could have imagined, glinting in the sunlight, she also produced the longest 'howl' I've ever heard her do.

This has been my phone background since Saturday! What wouldn't I give to be one of those boats?

Such a beautiful lady

All being well I should see her at Shoreham this coming Sunday for our 'official' farewell (I will definitely need waterproof mascara that day!) but if we have a repeat of Thursdays weather or heaven forbid, she goes tech then at least I will have Saturday to cherish and remember her by. 

The show cracked on with the Hawk role demo -

 

I love the look of the new Hawk T2

I really enjoyed the Blenheim, it was much more sprightly than I thought it would be. 

The Norwegian museum returned with their pair of Vampires -

I finally got to see a Mustang after waiting all season! I love the whistle they make when they climb (from the wind passing over their gun turrets).

The Blades in action

After being trapped at RAF Coningsby the day before I finally got to see the BBMF Spitfire & Hurricane, and best of all they circled over us before they ran in - giving us our own private show!

Hurricane

You don't get much closer to a flying Spitfire!

Our vantage point on the downs gave us a perfect view of the Red Arrows' formation flying finale -

The icing on the cake was having our heads taken off by the syncro pair as they departed -

Hello up there

Sorry Goose but it's time to buzz the tower

No zoom lense needed here!

I watched the show from home on Sunday and wandered down to the end of the road to watch the Typhoon & Red Arrows. 

We were also lucky enough to have the MIG-15 and Vampires fly right over the house!

Typhoon

The Reds

Not quite as good as the day before's low flypast - appreciated nonetheless!

It was a really fantastic show again this year, the organizers did so well to put together a really diverse line-up that appealed to the geeks like me and to the 'civilians'. I just want to say a massive thank you to them for once again making Airbourne the highlight of my summer. 

Until next year ....

Love Jen

XxxX