Could my meds be more trouble than they're worth?

Today I saw a quite scary report on BBC News (perk of being off work at the moment is that I'm v up on current affairs) that a link between taking certain over the counter medication and Dementia has been discovered. Full article here http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/health-30988643.

Basically the study suggests that taking medications such as anti-depressants can cause dementia: " The study estimated that people taking at least 10 mg/day of doxepin (antidepressant), four mg/day of diphenhydramine (a sleep aid), or five mg/day of oxybutynin (a urinary incontinence drug) for more than three years would be at greater risk of developing dementia."

I've taken various Anti-depressants and more recently the mood-stabiliser every day regularly for 8 years now which is pretty scary. I've definitely felt that my brain has slowed down and fogged up more over the last few years. I almost feel stupider and slower, my memory is already shot.

When I was at school and college and for the 2/3 years after I left I did feel confident in my intelligence and mental ability. But over the last year or so I definitely feel like I've lost a bit of ground. My GP at the time and other people dismissed the idea that I felt my tablets were affecting my cognition but now it seems I'm vindicated in my belief. In light of today's report it's actually quite scary.

Working in a job that deals with elderly care, I hear horror stories about the ravages of dementia on a person and their family. It also throws up the question as to whether I should continue taking medications if they are going to increase my risk of even more problems later on? Are the small amount of benefits that I gain through my medication now worth it?

I'm hoping that more research that will prove definitively or dismiss this link, else I may have to re-assess my medication. It's a choice between attempting to control my symptoms now or potentially completely lose my cognitive abilities and my precious memories, and scarier still end up in an EMI home and the horrible things that can happen there.

Actually quite scared.

Love Jen
XxxxX

Going A Little Girlie (Wipe that look of shock off of your faces!)

I thought I would do a slightly different flavoured blog today, since the work situation hasn't moved on and there are only so many ways and phrases to describe my moods before I start to become repetitive.

So I thought I'd chatter about a few things that have cheered me up over the last couple of weeks. As I've not been at work I've had a few trips out with the camera, a couple of weeks ago me and Dad braved the elements to walk along the seafront and were treated to a flypast by two F-15's!

Luckily this photo does not come with the sound effect of my squeals of delight!

We've had some pretty spectacular sunsets lately, I snapped this one on my phone yesterday.

I've made it over to Brighton a couple of times too, firstly with Chris & Vana -

Has sausage dogs, will travel

We love sausage dogs!

The traditional 'Chris drinking something' photo

Suits me no?

The crumbling pier

On Thursday I went over with Helen -

 

We wandered round the lanes and took advantage of a rare sunny afternoon to walk through the Pavilion gardens where we were happily suprised to see some Snowdrops had emerged. 

I also liked this tree in the middle of the new Lanes

I've also had a trip up to see Kay and my furry nieces and nephews!

Kay with Miffy

We were also lucky enough to visit the lovely Laur and her bunnies Abby & JP!

Now I must warn you that the blog is about to take a mildly girly turn so please ensure you are sitting down and not holding any hot drinks ...

I wish to discuss make-up, more specifically my new favorites. Most people use the new year to make resolutions etc, whereas I like to take advantage of the January sales to treat myself to products that are normally a bit on the pricey stage from my favorite brands. 

First into the arena is Benefit's Sexy & Scrumptious make-up kit -

 

As you can see from the Amazon link the tin features a cute bunny so it was onto a winner already! It has the 'They're Real' mascara which I love and the eyeshadows are gorgeous. I'm teaching myself to use the Coralista blusher and Posietint & High Beam highlighters and I am a bit blusher-phobic. 

Next is my miracle, the eyeliner I have been looking for most of my adult life. I love eyeliner-ing the underneath of my eyes for the added effect or smudging it underneath for a rock n roll look.  I had an amazing eyeliner when I was at college (a freebie from a magazine I think) that only needed a few re-applications a day. I've tried so many since from the cheap & cheerful (Collection 2000, Natural Collection etc) to the pricey (Avon, Urban Decay, Benefit etc) but none have stuck for more than an hour or two at the most. 

Thank god then that I have found Max Factor's Excess Intensity eyeliner (check it out here ). I can't explain how fantastic it truely is. I've put it on first thing in the morning and only had to give it a very slight touch up mid-afternoon!

It's a handy 'twist and click' tube so no sharpening (yes those are my real nails ;) )

It also means I can do fun 60s style eyes like these -

 

Now to my beloved MAC, I love their make-up. I have to admit I find their staff in the shops rather intimidating at times so I tend to shop online, I was lucky to grab two of their lippies in Selfridges' (get me being a Selfridges' shopper!) sale and they're gorgeous!

The first shade is called Rebel and is a lighter purple colour

Everyone loves a Rebel!

Rebel with a tea-drinking cause in Costa

My favourite of the two is a blackish purple shade called Cyber. It ticks all my goth boxes and I just adore it. 

Getting worn down already!

In action at Scoop & Crumb - Brighton

The best thing about these two is unlike normal lipsticks they actually stay on! If I want a lipstick that lasts all day I am limited to Maybelline's 24 Hour Lipstick which isn't technically lipstick if we're being picky. It's more a paint that you put on and then pop a balm on over the top. I do love these, and in fact my 'signature' red is their 510  Red Passion, but the shades are mostly pinks and browns whereas I like more 'out there' colours. 

My 'Red Passion' accessorised with my BFF Helen & Mars Glyphs!

At the end of the day make-up is a fun bit of frivolity that brightens up my face and my day. We must now turn our attention to a more serious and important subject .............................................

THE BUNS!

Hello hoomin blog readers

With Auntie Helen

Love Jen

XxxX

Desperate Times

Call for desperate measures right? Not quite sure what measures I can take to solve this situation though.

In one week's time I have my next work Occupational Health appointment to further look into my suitability to go back to work. Every time I think about it my chest tightens up and I can't breathe. Thinking about returning to work makes me want to burst into tears. I was browsing the NHS jobs website looking to see what was around and felt sick to my stomach just looking at that.

I'm starting to feel backed back into the corner again before I even set foot back into the building. The performance management, which is what has given me this breakdown will start again the moment that I return, they'll have extra ammunition this time too as I will now be onto the Bradford Scale (the NHS sickness monitoring tool) due to all my time off.

People keep telling me to 'just leave' but that's impossible too. I can't afford not to work, I have a credit card and direct debits plus am trying to save up to go to New York for my 30th. Finding another job isn't likely either due to my current sickness record plus the fact I'm on the performance management will be the final nail in the coffin.

The worst of it is that the circumstances that have lead me to making the mistakes that have put me on the performance management are because of my various conditions. There's nothing I can do about it, the Psych said that I would have concentration issues due to my brain chemicals. So I'm bound to fuck up stuff again, and the more they stress me the  worse my concentration will be!

What can I tell the Occupational Health doctor? I'm now down to half pay because of the length of time that I've been off. Please send me back even though I'm no better as I need money?

I just don't know what the hell to do, there's no support for me at work. Every time I've asked for any kind of support - shortening my days, not being on the phones all the time, it's been flat out refused.

I feel sick, I'm scared and I'm desperate and there's nothing I can do to help myself or solve the problem.

Love Jen
XxxX

Je Suis Charlie Hebdo - why humanity will always win

No-one can fail to have missed the horrific events at the Charlie Hebdo offices in Paris yesterday. It's been reported from so many different angles - The Evil That Men Do, The Rise Of Militant Islam, Lax Security, Attack On The Freedom Of Speech.

What has struck me most in this event and so many other horrific events in the last few years is how quickly people stick together and offer support to strangers. Last night there were candle-lit vigils in Paris, London and many other cities around the world and most movingly a minutes applause for the Charlie Hebdo staff this morning.

Certain aspects of the media will take this opportunity to scaremonger against Muslims in general (yes The Daily Mail & Daily Express I mean you) but one of the most heartening things I saw yesterday amongst the horrific footage was an interview with a run of the mill Parisian who was concerned that "normal Muslims will be vilified as a result of this". There is so much press coverage about radicalisation within the Muslim community, with concerns about people heading to and from Syria and Iraq to fight for Islamic State. I don't deny that this is a significant security threat to us here in the UK and other countries (it is believed that the cold-blooded killers yesterday were of this ilk) BUT these are a tiny minority of a community of thousands that live and get on with their lives peacefully and quietly.

I can't speak for other countries, but sometimes wonder if the barriers that allegedly exist between  the Muslim population and 'The rest of the UK population' isn't mostly created by the media. Most stories concerning mosques or Muslim communities in the media are negative, there's no reporting of the fantastic community spirit they have (sadly lacking in most of the UK!) and the way in which they look after each other. When my friends and I were involved in a (thankfully minor) car accident on the way home from Reading Festival back in 2011 the only passers by who came to check we were ok were a group on their way home from the mosque. They called an ambulance, offered their coats to keep us warm, offered to go and get water and food and insisted on waiting with us until the ambulance arrived -essentially behaving like kind human beings.

A couple of days ago there was a large demonstration in Dresden against 'The Islamification Of Europe', however there were even larger demonstrations in Dresden, Berlin and Hamburg in favour of tolerance and equality. After the hostage situation in Sydney last month the top trending hashtag in Australia was #illridewithyou in response to Women in Muslim dress too scared to use public transport for fear of reprisals. Via this hashtag people were going out of their way across a large city to ride with complete strangers in order that they weren't afraid.

Cast your minds back to the riots in 2011, amidst the looting and anarchy a twitter campaign was immediately started and people came together in British 'Blitz spirit' to clean up and repair what they could. Remember Reeves furniture shop in Croydon that was torched during the riots? It was a third generation family owned business and it broke my heart seeing the devastation on the family's faces as they watched their livelihoods burn. They were interviewed the next morning and told reporters that their phone had been ringing off the hook since early that morning from people as far away as Scotland wishing to purchase furniture stored at their warehouse (fortunately undamaged) so that they weren't financially ruined.

The cartoonists and writers at Charlie Hebdo satirised people of all religions and professions. They believed in the importance of free speech but also realised that humour is one of mankind's most effective weapons. To laugh at someone and something is to lessen it's power. To use a very lowbrow analogy, in Harry Potter there is a type of creature called a Boggart that immediately turns into what you fear most. The charm that defeats the Boggart is to declare it Riddikulus. The characters end up laughing at the Boggart  and it explodes as it no longer has any power. Charlie Hebdo understood that laughter takes some of evil's power away.

What Islamic State, or terrorists of any religion or creed the world over, do not realise is that no matter what devastating wounds they may inflict on us humanity will always win because we have each other.

RIP to those brave Charlie Hebdo employees, you have not died in vain.

Love Jen
XxxX

Art Pop

All my favourites together!

Over the last couple of days I've been combining my love of sewing and music via the medium of cross-stitch.

I've been doing loads of cross-stitch lately, the repetitive nature if it helps calm my brain - plus it's more addictive than crack! Apparently you can get computer programmes that turn your photos into patterns, if they do exist that would be so cool - imagine if I could make cross-stitches of Estelle and Esme!

When I decided that I wanted to make a music design I did slightly overlook the fact that I had never actually designed my own cross-stitch patterns before, thank god for Pinterest! In the end the only designs I had to work out for myself were the Mars and Pretty Reckless ones.

The Pretty Reckless

My Chemical Romance

Nirvana

Pink Floyd

30 Seconds To Mars

Greenday's American Idiot logo

Does what it says on the tin!

I'm so happy with how it's turned out and it's now taken pride of place on my wall!

Love Jen

XxxX

A Picture Paints A Thousand Words, So A Picture About Words Must Paint A Million Right?

The joy of Pinterest is that if you have an idea or really love something you're guaranteed to find someone else who does.

As the title suggests today's blog is dedicated to the photos I've found on Pinterest that perfectly reflect how my love for music and how much i rely on it to cope with life.

Love Jen
XxxX