2017 In Music!

It’s time for my annual waffle about my favourite music of the year you lucky people!

Last year’s blog was all about albums I’d loved, 2016 was definitely the year of the album for me, whilst there were a couple of albums I really liked this year , The Killers ‘Wonderful Wonderful’ was a highlight but it was a more a year for singles and gigs.

Way back in February I saw Green Day at the O2, all I can say is wow! I’d seen them before but once again they blew me away. I named their Revolution Radio album as my favourite album of 2016 and they played a large chunk of it whilst also fitting in older songs including ‘Jesus Of Suburbia’ eliciting a squeal of joy from me that terrified my friend Tone who was unlucky enough to be on the receiving end (sorry mate).

It was in far warmer conditions that Amanda and I saw The Killers in Hyde Park on one of the hottest weekends in July. Aside from Elbow, possibly one of the most boring support acts I’ve ever seen, it was fantastic. As with Green Day I’ve loved The Killers since college and their ‘Hot Fuss’ album is still one of my ‘Desert Island Discs’ purely for the good memories it brings back. They bought the Vegas glitz to London along with a lot of lasers! I’d not seen them since leaning on an ice cream van to watch them at Reading Festival 2005 and I finally got to hear “Read My Mind” & “Shot At The Night” live!

As I mentioned above 2017 was a year of really good singles (in my opinion), these are my pick –

Song of the year –

30 Seconds To Mars – Walk On Water

They’ve been away far too long and whilst this is a real departure from their older stuff I still fell in love at first listen. I can’t wait to see them again in March and will hopefully be naming their forthcoming album as one of my favourites of 2018!

A very close second –

The Man – The Killers 

I have to confess I actually didn’t like this on the first listen but it’s a real grower. I love the swagger to it, it’s a really fun 80s throwback of a song.

Honourable mentions –

The Cure – Lady GaGa (One month and 11 days until Luke and I see her!)

Sia – Cheap Thrills

Nadia Rose – Skwod

Pink – What About Us?

Royal Blood – I Only Lie When I Love You

Foo Fighters – Run

Taylor Swift - …. Ready For It

Green Day – Too Dumb To Die

That’s it for 2017, I’d love to hear from you guys about what music has made up the soundtrack to your years.

I’m excited to see what 2018 brings!

Love Jen

XxxX

Ps If I never hear that damn Despacito song again I shall consider it a Christmas miracle!

Spreading A Little Thanks

I’m a little late on the bandwagon this morning but in the spirit of Thanksgiving I wanted to spread some thanks of my own.

To my beautiful Esme thank you for making me laugh, occasionally licking me and keeping the hutch impeccably tidy. And to my Stelly at the Rainbow Bridge thank you for making me laugh with your crazy, clumsy antics.

To Helen what can I say? Thank you for always supporting me, insulting me constantly, making me laugh and putting up with my craziness.

To Mum & Dad thank you for your unconditional love and support, taking me to ‘plane camp’ and concerts, offering me satsumas when I want bacon (Mum!) and for letting me have a Halloween party!

To Monkey thank you for your IT support, reaching high things, getting up early to watch F1 races with me and all the little things you do to show you care.

To Vana thank you for all the fun – mocking Casualty with me, joint llama appreciation and for giving me the honour of being your Bridesmaid.

To my Family thank you for your love and support, from cheese on toast, going to Airbourne with me and the best family get-togethers!

To my ‘Shark Eater’ companions Rach & Amanda thank you for gig buddying with me, letting me playing with Gizmo and providing pizza!

To the Ginstitue Luke, Barry, Hilary, Lydia, Jamie & Tone thank you for letting me come round and drink your gin & play with your cats and dogs respectively, going to gigs with me and being dragged round Camden, appreciating the envelope song & the importance of dramatic dance moves and for joint eye-rolling with me when ‘Charlene’ invariably comes on.

To Gem thank you for chatting music with me (including a joint love of Westlife that we’re not ashamed of!), making me tea and pigging out on Chinese with me and most importantly providing me with kitties to play with.

To my work ladies Karen, Char Char, Lizzie, Hayley, Ashleigh, Carole & Clair thank you for all the fun and office banter and for greeting me with tea and hugs first thing in the morning, it makes all the difference.

To Kaylee & Seth thank you for letting me be part of your lives, taking cake as seriously as I do and referring to me as “Corney’s Mum” and comparing me to Hei Hei the boss-eyed chicken from Moana ….

To my ‘bunny mommas’ Tiffany, Patti, Crystal , Laur, Heather, Yvonne, Debbie& Maddie thanks so much for all your support when I lost Stelly, for the bunny advice and constant bunny pictures!

To Kay I know you’re not physically here anymore but I feel you around me all the time, thank you for leaving me white feathers everywhere and for that pat on the back the day I lost Stelly.

To all my favourite music artists thank you for providing inspiration to me, comfort in bad times and awesome shows!

To planes & airshows in general (apart from the Wingwalkers) thank you for instant anti-depressants.

And to anyone who reads my random ramblings thank you.

Love Jen

XxxX

A Guide To One Of Those Days

A simple guide to one of those days.

This day got itself in gear bright and early with a series of panic attacks from 4am, the early attack gets the worm don’t you know?

Who needs breakfast when you’re choking so hard on anxiety it’s hard to even get a cup of tea down.

What better way to spend mid-morning than hiding in a consultant’s office ‘to scan’ because the slightest word or look will send you into a meltdown of ugly crying.

Try not to wince every time sexual assault/abuse is mentioned on the radio (on the hour every hour!), triggers do feel free to play up with no consideration to how I’m feeling.

Always keep a tight bite on your tongue when you’re quizzed as to what you’re having for lunch as the thought of food turns your already plummeting stomach.

Grumble to yourself that for the last month the radio station has decided to play a Jennifer Lopez song at approximately 11am each day, ponder to yourself how she is still relevant.

Prepare to repeat the above until bedtime when you’ll struggle to get off to or stay asleep without the obligatory OCD, anxiety or remembering upsetting things.

And repeat.

You have a nice day now! 

Love Jen

XxxX

The Story Of #MeToo

Today I want to tell you a story, it’s about an 11 year old girl just started Secondary School and nervous and miserable as hell. “Why can’t I just get on and fit in like everyone else?” “Or get some attention from the (rapidly forming) in-crowd and make friends with them, surely there’s room for one more” our heroine asks herself. Well dear readers her wish was granted just not in the way she thought.

It was a normal kind of day for young Jen, she’d walked in the school entrance with dread and was dutifully waiting outside her tutor room trying to make herself as invisible as possible from her now-departed friends, for they had far better things to do and far cooler people to talk to, and the rest of the class. Whilst deliberately looking away from everyone so as not to make eye contact Jen noticed a boy coming over to her, he was one of the cool popular boys, “Does he want to talk to me?” wondered Jen in shock but sadly it was not to be. In front of all his friends he walked up to Jen and roughly grabbed her butt and had a good feel between her legs whilst he had the chance much to the sneers and laughter of his friends.

It’s a story that my brain had buried deep in its recesses, covering it with other memories of bullying and embarrassment. It literally popped out during a counselling session a month or so back and now I’m ready to tell you about it.

Looking back on it a lot changed that day that would affect me from then on. When I told my parents about it in a distressed manner later on that day they were furious and went to the school the next day to see my head of year. Nothing was done, the boy in question got a detention and I lived with the repercussions for 5 more years. After the detention had been served I was mocked for ‘telling’ on him and was made to think that I’d made a fuss out of nothing and caused trouble for him. From then on despite grabs of my boobs, being felt up in a stairwell and so on I stayed silent, I tried to think that in between being told I was ugly that I  surely can’t be that ugly if some of the guys wanted to cop a feel? Plus if your boobs are being grabbed in full view of a teacher at the front of a classroom it’s ok right?

It’s only now after speaking to my counsellor that I can admit to myself that yes I was sexually assaulted and no it wasn’t ok. Admitting is technically the wrong term, it implies that I’m in the wrong for what happened and I damn well wasn’t, I can see that now. I was publically shamed by his actions and further shamed by attempting to gain justice for what happened to me. I’m starting to take ownership of what happened, I can see that it now links to a lot of my other issues. My discomfort and freaking out if people are in my personal space (put it this way I’m stuck with Liam Gallagher-esque eyebrows because last time I had them done  having the woman stand over me to thread them gave me a panic attack). It explains why in a way I hide behind being fat and feel relief that no-one can find me attractive.

It caused my greatest shame and biggest hurt, the inability to have sex without excruciating pain. Despite being in a loving relationship with my fiancée in the nearly 7 years we were together there was never an occasion that I didn’t feel like a knife was being twisted between my legs. It makes sense now, my body’s defence mechanisms were coming up, I was physically remembering what had happened even though my brain was racking itself trying to work out why I was such a frigid freak. I put up with it as I didn't want my partner to 'miss out' on what he was 'entitled' to from our relationship. 

I get told off by my counsellor when I try to say that it could have been far worse, at least I wasn’t raped etc, I’ve learnt that sexual assault is sexual assault whatever degree it is. The incidents were non-consensual sexual contact and I suffered and continue to suffer for it. I was also stuck with my abuser and other boys who felt it was ok to grab my boob etc for 5 long years without seeing any justice and being pretty much hung out to dry by the school.   When I was added to a school reunion group the guy who did it was in there, his profile picture is him with two small boys who I assume are his kids. I wonder if he remembers now what he did, whether he’s gotten over the ‘injustice’ of his detention. Mostly I hope that he brings his kids up to have more respect for women’s and girl’s bodies than he did.

#MeToo

Love JenX

xxX

World Mental Health Day - Mental Health In The Workplace

Today marks the 10^th Anniversary of Rethink starting the annual World Mental Health Day amongst its’ other campaigns. This year’s special focus is on Mental Health in the workplace which I have quite a lot of experience in the care, or lack thereof offered by companies.

I’ve experienced both the best and the worst treatment of mental health in various places I’ve worked and even a contrast within one job. Many of us who have a mental illness (I don’t like to say suffer anymore as to me it sounds weakening and trust me those who live with a mental illness are some of the strongest people you will ever meet!) are afraid to disclose or speak up about having a mental illness for fear of being mocked or people thinking they aren’t capable of doing their job.

My first experience of mental health in the workplace was as a buyer in a company who repaired photo and x-ray machines. It was an incredibly fast paced and stressful workplace, I was often on the receiving end of a barrage of abuse from managers if orders went wrong or were delayed in their shipping (all beyond my control). I had two periods of being signed off in the 4 years I was there, the first was when I was made supervisor of the department and the added stress of being screamed at by one of the managers day in day out caused my self-harming to escalated to a serious daily habit. At the time I was writing a MySpace (ask your parents kids) detailing the stress I was under (without naming the company or employees involved so absolutely anonymous) and a well-meaning friend in the office spoke to HR as she was concerned for my well-being and had witnessed my treatment for herself.

The lady in HR was fantastic, she understood and signed me off for two weeks to give me an immediate break for the situation. When I came back my return to work was dealt with by my manager and not HR, my line manager (an older gentleman) told me that with immediate effect I was to step aside from the role and he “sincerely hoped I’d learnt the error of my ways”.  Looking back I can’t believe that it was suggested that being ill or struggling with the attitude of managers was some kind of error on my part. But at 20 years old and trying to cope with aggressive management I just accepted it.

My next period of being signed off was for a month 3 years later. A large amount of staff had been made redundant, my team went from 3 of us to just myself. Once again all the responsibility landed on me along with the hassle from management. My stress levels became unbearable once again and my GP signed me off for a month. When I returned to work I had a brief meeting with my manager and a member of HR (The lovely lady from before was long gone after being told she was ‘taking the side of the staff too often’ vs management) and explained the reasons why I had been signed off. No discussion was had about strategies that could help reduce my stress and my problems were just swept under the carpet and my condition ignored. No phased return to work was proposed and I went straight back into a 6 day week. All through my time with the company I was made to feel inadequate for struggling with the stress and daring to be ill and also ashamed to be trying to cope with my depression and anxiety.

You may have read in my blogs from 2014/15 about the troubles I had in my last job in relation to how my illness was received and dealt with. When I first started I was open in both my interview and with my colleagues when I’d gotten to know them about being ill. Initially the reception was great, I was very supported – given time off for counselling sessions arranged by the department and touched base with managers frequently so they could check how I was doing. This all changed one day back in March 2014 when we discovered that a memory stick I’d returned in the post to a nursing home had gone missing. Whilst I took full responsibility for the missing stick as it was sent out ‘on my watch’ the repercussions went further than that. All of my previous work was under scrutiny and any mistakes that I’d made were suddenly dragged into light, a lot of these mistakes were made whilst I was changing across medications from an anti-depressant to a mood stabiliser which was a pretty big shift with a lot of side effects.

The effect of the scrutiny meant that I made mistakes through nervousness and lack of confidence sent my moods into haywire and my anxiety through the roof. I returned to self-harming after nearly a year ‘free’ to cope with the noise created in my brain. I won’t go into all the details again as I’ve been over and over them in the past but basically I was accused of ‘playing the mental health card to make it difficult for them to put me on Performance Management’. I basically went from a promising member of staff who copes fantastically well with her illness to a liability hiding behind her illness purely to make things difficult for them. Thankfully I’m well shot of that job but I am sad at the way it ended as I really enjoyed my work and the people I worked alongside.

I work under the Temporary Staff Bank at my local hospital now doing basic admin, sending out letters and filing etc. Being on a technically zero hours contract means that in theory I can have time off whenever I want which is helpful for appointments etc. However I have struggled with attitudes towards my problems again, I have always been very open in this job as previously but due to various bad patches I went through last year and earlier this year (Particularly around losing both Kay and Stelly within a few months of each other) I had a lot of ‘sick days’. Whilst I am not obliged to work a ‘shift’ and required to let my line manager know at least an hour before I would be due to start (I used to leave a message 2 hours in advance) this still caused a lot of problems. It was suggested that the amount of time off I’d had would be “understandable if you’d broken your leg”. Unfortunately demonstrating that mental vs physical health discrimination is alive and (not so)well still. The flip side is that the girls I work with are amazing, they support me and always cheer me up on a bad day. 

Hopefully this year’s focus on Mental Health in the workplace will not only educate employers about their duties towards the wellbeing of their employees and the importance of supporting and understanding them, but also empower those with mental illness to feel confident in speaking up about their condition and asking for the help that they need.

Love Jen

XxxX

Autumn Missing In Action

This week I've (OK well my brother of far greater height than I) put up my Autumn leaves & mushrooms bunting that I made a few years back as a concession to Autumn.

Everyone gets excited about Autumn and the new season (I fully admit to pouring over the September editions of Vogue each year) and the start of the run up to Christmas (ugh), the colours, berries etc. But has anyone noticed we seem to have skipped Autumn and gone straight to (warmish) winter? It's rained about 20 of the 29 days of September so far, been damn cold and bloody gloomy. I'm starting to feel justified when I refer to "shitty Autumn".

I feel bad for all the Autumn lovers out there (pretty much everyone I know except me) as September's been such a washout. I never thought last Sunday that I'd need my rain poncho AFTER the airshow (Duxford, v good) to run from the coach round the corner to my house.

There's been no sign of the Autumn colours everyone loves, I guess the leaves are getting washed away before they get a chance to turn. I must admit to feeling peeved that the one year I've nagged Mum and Helen into a trip to Sheffield Park for me to photograph the colours there'll probably only be puddles to be found!

I never thought I'd be the one to declare Autumn MIA!

Love Jen
XxxxX

Ps 32 days 'TILL Halloween 🦇

A Cure For Intolerance?

I can't believe I'm actually seeing this on my Sky Timetable. I've heard before about attempts to 'cure' gay people and it makes me feel physically sick.

If you're looking at it from a religious point of view, in attempting to 'cure' the way a person feels and loves, would that not be denying the way that God (or whoever you worship) has created them? If your almighty deity has made something or someone a certain way should that not be set in stone?

Surely any 'god' would be more interested in whether a person is living their life as a good person. Being kind, generous and tolerant towards other human beings is what matters, not who you love.

Another thing that make me furious is that you wouldn't see a programme allowed on TV that endorses Islamic Extremism, Violence or heaven forbid Paedophilia. To me suggesting that a large percentage of the world's population is somehow 'broken' is just as dangerous a message. I personally would be just as concerned about my child or teenager coming across this propaganda as messages from ISIS.

In this world of hate surely we can celebrate love of all kinds?

Love Jen
XxxX

Some Evening Prettiness

I was lucky enough to catch a photo of these Sunflowers as the sun went down this evening.

Also I'm proud to reveal that I've finally learnt how to 'tag' my posts so that you can all skip straight to 'bunnies'.....

Love Jen
XxxxX

Elevator Music 🎶

This is kind of a stop gap blog as I haven't written in nearly a month, and if by some miracle I was to achieve my dream of being some kind of Author/Blogger (of the music variety would be my ultimate goal) then being lax with posts isn't the way to go.

I've been shying away from blogging the last few weeks as during my counselling sessions we've been digging out some pretty heavy stuff that I'd kinda blocked out, incidents at school that I'd tried to laugh off or ignore at the time but would actually be taken far more seriously nowadays.

And I shall write about it sooner rather than later; once I have it all a bit straighter in my head, not in an attention seeking/airing dirty laundry/sensationalising, or whatever other adjectives are thrown at people who speak about their abuse manner, but at the moment I'm still at the stage where I need to sort it in my own head before telling you about it.

Love to you all

Jen

XxxxX

Ps here is a photo of Esme for you to admire in the meantime!

The Hardest Part

The force has been strong in my depression for the last few days. I normally expect a bit of post-Airbourne depression and can ‘prepare’ for that but this is a different beast.

 I’ve been utterly miserable, had even less energy than normal (believe it or not!) – I’m supposed to be going to see Deap Vally tonight over in Brighton but since this morning I barely managed to leave the house to go to work that’s not gonna be on the cards.

 I sometimes think that the problem is my brain can’t tell the difference between excitement and anxiety, I guess they’re similar physical symptoms at times – butterflies in stomach, fast breathing etc. When I have a bad anxiety patch then my mood plummets.

 I was really ‘up’ (no pun intended) for Airbourne – especially when they announced the F16 would be all 4 days. I felt like my old self for those couple of days, cheerful and positive. Then the airshow was over and my cheer stopped abruptly. I was looking forward to the new 30 Seconds To Mars song being released on Tuesday (it’s fantastic btw) but what are you supposed to do after the 15^th listen?

 I just feel like I’m wading through mud at the moment and when I’m in this situation I always ask myself ‘is it worth looking forward to or doing things that I enjoy when this is always the outcome?’.

 Love Jen

XxxX

Airbourne 2017 Preview

*Drum roll* It's that time of year!!! Time for my annual Airbourne preview blog.

My previewing actually started last week when I wrote a letter to our local newspaper in response to a column worrying about the future of the airshow. I was really surprised and pleased that they published my letter ! It was nice to know that I'm not the only person who feels that the airshow is incredibly important to the town and a highlight of the airshow calendar.

This year is looking pretty good with the F-16 & BBMF flying every day and the Red Arrows and Typhoon on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Naturally I had my programme pre-ordered way back in July and it arrived with it's shiny cover and fresh airshow programme smell (for some reason airshow programmes have a unique smell).

So sit back, relax, adjust your flying goggles to a comfortable angle and enjoy !!

First up we have the mighty Red Arrows.

2016

2016

The Reds will be bringing the town to a standstill again this year, I saw them at RIAT  earlier this year and they were utterly fantastic. They've bought back some old favorite maneuvers and added an exciting new arrival. Making their display extra special this year is a fellow Eastbournian making his debut with the team this season!

If you decide to watch from the downs any of the days that they're performing then be prepared for low-flying encounters!

2015 - No zoom lens needed!

Flying - Fri, Sat & Sun

Belgian F16

The F16 is always nice and noisy (the highest compliment I can pay a jet!) and it's the first time we've welcomed it back to the show since 2013. I had a sneak preview of the display at the Air Tattoo (see above) last month and the display is fast-paced and dynamic. 

2011

2013

RIAT last month with a wicked new colour scheme

RIAT

Flying - Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun

Chinook -

Here comes the blade slap! The Chinook is always a favourite here at Eastbourne and will be even more anticipated this year after the team having to retire early from the airshow season last year due to air frame fatigue. Listen out for the famous 'Wocka Wocka' created by the rotor blades.

2015

Flying - Sunday

Typhoon -

It's time to #BringTheNoise! The Typhoon will be screaming over and rattling everything for miles around. It's fast, loud, incredibly maneuverable and responsible for defending the UK skies. Wherever you are in the town you'll hear it coming!

The Typhoon kicked up a lot of vapour at the show last year, meaning I got some interesting shots

Flying - Friday, Saturday & Sunday


Battle Of Britain Memorial Flight (BBMF) -

The BBMF displays this season are even more special than usual since they are celebrating 60 years since the formation of the team. There's nothing to beat the sound of Merlins over the sea, listen and enjoy.

Lancaster over the pier

Spitfire

Hurricane

Flying - Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday

The Blades -

I've not managed to catch The Blades yet this season so I'm looking foward to their display even more than normal. The team are made up of ex-Red Arrows pilots and they really push the planes to the limit. A really fun display that'll make you gasp in awe!

2016

2015

Flying - Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday

Battle Of Britain re-enactment -

This year we're being treated to a Battle Of Britain re-enactment featuring a Catalina flying boat, ME109 Buchon and Hurricane. They will perform the very real scenario of the Catalina coming under attack from the 109 during a rescue mission with the Hurricane fighting off the 109. I've seen a similar display both here (in 2010) and at other shows and it really brings home the everyday reality of what pilots faced during the war day in day out.

Flying - Saturday & Sunday

Solo Spitfire -

There's nothing I can add that hasn't already been said for reasons to watch this beautiful aircraft. Close your eyes and take in the beautiful sound of that Rolls Royce Merlin Engine. 

Flying - Saturday & Sunday

P51 Mustang -

Arguably the most successful fighter ever built the Mustang is a gorgeous looking and sounding plane. The distinctive 'whistle' is caused by air rushing over the gun turrets. 

Flying - Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday

Strikemaster -

To my knowledge we've not had a Strikemaster at Airbourne before (Please do correct me if I'm wrong!). Strikemasters are basically an armed version of the Jet Provost trainer that we've seen at the show on previous years. For a 'small' jet they're pretty impressive. 

Taking to the skies at Shoreham 2013

Flying - Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday

MIG 15 -

The MIG 15 comes to us courtesy of the Norwegian Air Force Historic Squadron.  MIG 15s operated for a variety of airforces across the Soviet Union right up until the late 80s. It's a classic 50s jet shape, this particular aircraft wears the markings of a MIG flown by Russian Cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin. 

2016

2016

Flying - Saturday and Sunday

Twister Aerobatics Team

Planes. With. Fireworks ...... need I say more?

Flying - Sunday evening

Those are my top picks from a whole variety of different aircraft flying over the four days. If you make it to the airshow then have a great time (and do try to chuck some shrapnel in the donation buckets if you can) and do let me know what your favourite displays were!

Love Jen

XxxX

Heavyweight Champion Of The World

In a particularly masochist mood this morning I decided to waddle onto the scales. The result was 106kilos (I'm 5'4 go figure), my reaction probably shouldn't have been "meh" followed by "oooh I'm almost at my heaviest I've ever been (108kilos) that sounds like a challenge!".

And yes before I get lectured I know that the reason I sleep all the time is because I'm carrying so much flab around. Yes I know I can't wear pretty clothes because I'll burst them, but it's amazing how quickly you come to love your M&S elasticated trousers. It's amazing how quickly clothes you used to love get pushed to the back of the wardrobe with a shrug.

I'm exactly the story that would make the weight-loss companies shudder. Both times I have been thin (size 8 because I wasn't eating) and size 12 from being on my feet all day in the library (best job ever!) I wasn't happy. Sure I looked good in a pair of skinny jeans but that didn't make up for the fact I was suffering from severe depression the first time round and crippling anxiety the second. So no I don't really care. It's almost satisfying that I'm as ugly on the outside as I feel on the inside. Self-disgust is nothing that can't be cured by reaching for the nearest packet of Twirl Bites.

And no I don't wish to join a gym or go running (thank you psychiatrist) to make myself feel better, tried exercise and it didn't make me any less miserable whatsoever. So you can stick that theory with your running shoes where the sun don't shine.

And of course I am guilted into the realisation that I am a massive drain on the NHS just by being alive but I don't really use the' service' aside from my meds and not-even-free NHS dentist appointments twice a year. And yes I do avoid the GP so as not to further over-stretch NHS funds.

I could lie and say that I'm being Punk rock by being fat, rejecting society's values that thin = happy and successful but really I just don't give a damn.

Bring on being too fat to leave the house!

Love Jen
XxxX

School's Out?

An utterly laughable thing has happened to me. Whilst in the process of getting to grips with my new phone (basically a larger version of my old one but this is Jen the technophobe) and having a swear at it a Facebook notification popped up that made me swear even more but in disbelief.

 I've been added to a group trying to arrange a 'class of 2003' school reunion, no really. One of the 'in-crowd', who had no interest whatsoever in anyone outside her group is trying to arrange a get together at the end of the year, perhaps a case of 30s related nostalgia? A few people have posted in the group saying how lovely it would be, what makes me laugh is that most of these people had nothing to do with each other back at school and most times didn't even like each other.

 I'm wondering what the psychology is behind school reunions? Is it an opportunity for the popular kids to relieve their glory days? Or if you weren't friends with people why would you suddenly want to meet up with them 15 years later?

 My natural curiosity (read nosiness) got the better of me and I had a look through a lot of the profiles (seriously people need to learn to lock their Facebook's down), what gets me is that most of the people who picked on me have profiles full of photos of their weddings, their kids, their achievements etc. I  know people only post 'the best' on their profile (it's social spin really I guess) but the bitter part of me fumes that they live the lives that their actions have denied me.

Due to my illness - exacerbated, if not caused, by their actions I can't have relationships due to the nature of my personality disorder, the hormones caused by pregnancy & post-pregnancy are incredibly dangerous to me, my body issues (and no before you ask it's not as simple as 'just lose some weight' or 'give up sugar' or the most irritating 'why don't you do more excercise') - they go deep, I've been between a size 8 when I didn't eat and a current size 20 where I over-eat to try and compensate for the misery in my head. I also don't feel it's worth looking after myself, I'm not worthy of care.

So it really grates seeing the people who mocked me for my looks, spread sick rumours about me, thought it was funny to grope me and kick me, felt it was acceptable to shoot at me with BB Gun pellets and shower the back of my head with broken pieces of pencil, coins and anything else to hand (what a waste of stationary!!). The theory of Karma is that your actions come back threefold, so why are they so happy, successful, still think and pretty?

 Now let me consider that invitation ....

 Love Jen

XxxX

RIAT 2017

This summer I fulfilled a life-long plane geek dream of going to the Royal International Air Tattoo (RIAT) for the first time. RIAT is the UK's (and must surely be one of the world's) biggest air show. It's held over 3 official show days at RAF Fairford in Gloucestershire. Whilst it only has 3 official days, in reality it stretches over nearly a week with people arriving at the campsites dotted around the airfield as early as Wednesday to watch the arrivals. 

We drove up on the Thursday, whilst a large proportion of the journey was spent by my parents arguing with the Sat Nav that tried to send us up ever smaller country lanes, we were lucky enough to see the U2 Spy Plane in the distance arriving at the show.

As we got nearer to the campsite we were treated to some of the Cotswolds' famous yellow brick buildings. I've actually been to the Cotswolds before, a college trip to Stratford-Upon-Avon but all I can honestly remember from that trip is my friends and I chasing a bee out of the room that we were staying in, resulting in much squealing and flapping of pillows.

Our campsite, Townsend Farm had a beautiful farmhouse and a barn used for weddings etc (or in this case 100s of hungry campers in need of a burger and a beer!). 

The farmhouse

Barn and campers!

Now I must point out that when I mention Dad, Mum and I camping I really mean 'glamping' (although they will deny it). My idea of camping is the festival experience tent, groundsheet, loo rolls being a prized possession, port-a-loos (if you're lucky) and a hair-wash in a washing up bowl being considered luxury. Instead we took Dad's off-road caravan. He designed and built it himself  and boasts a pull out stove, awnings that can be attached either side (I had my own personal bedroom), it's completely powered by solar panels, has a built in music system and even an attachable shower tent! It immediately attracted the attention of a group of army engineers when we pulled into the field, a pretty good indication of how cool it is! Even though it still resembles a burger van (sorry Dad).

Stolen off of Dad's Facebook, sadly there was no beach available on-site

Setting up the caravan whilst I was scanning the skies

Aaaand relax

The caravan even comes with optional fairy lights, very useful when finding your way back in the dark!

The campsite is right next to the runway so we were in the ideal spot to see aircraft landing. I'd assumed that we wouldn't see much until we went into the show the day after, boy was I wrong. From the moment we pulled up aircraft were coming over left, right and center!

The first 'official' RIAT snap was of these two Tutors arriving

Camera at the ready!

Best of all one of the first aircraft that came over when we arrived were two Tornados. Anyone who knows me will know I worship at the alter of Tornados and they're my absolute favourite aircraft. So to look up just 5 minutes after we'd pulled in and see a pair coming in lead to squeals of excitement. (Sorry to all the other campers).

Tea and Tornados - perfect!

After that aircraft were coming in literally every 5 minutes, in fact we saw as many aircraft in those few hours as one would see at an all day airshow!

Typhoons

No zoom needed! This Hercules nearly scraped the solar panels off of the top of the caravan!

Poseidon on final approach

The planes weren't the only interesting birds around. These buzzards are beautiful

The other benefit of arriving early was getting a sneak peek at the PDAs (Public Display Authorisations - not diplays of affection .... that would be weird ...) and rehearsals from various teams. 

The Midnight Hawks (lucky we saw them on Thursday as they were unable to fly on Saturday due to the weather)

We were also able to see the Patrouille Suisse PDA, unfortunately for Mum and Dad this lead to a lot of Top Gun quotes from me. The team fly F5 Tigers which were used as the fictional 'MIG-28s'' in the film.

"Woah MIG-28s! No-one's been this close before!"

We also got a sneak-peek at the USAF Thunderbirds display and, most excitingly, the late addition to the show of a Ukrainian Airforce SU27 Flanker. We used to see Flankers at loads of shows back in the late 90s/early 00s and it was great to see one again.

You can see clips of the Tornado, Typhoon, Hercules, Midnight Hawks, A400M and SU27's arrivals and PDAs on my YouTube channel. 

I wanted to make sure I remembered everything I saw over the weekend so made sure I wrote it all down -

Combining my love of lists and planes.

Despite being on holiday I woke up early on Friday morning. 

I call this 'geeking anticipation' face

I'd just drifted back off to sleep only to be rudely re-awakened by the Thunderbirds and 2 F22s taking off just after 7.30 (Best alarm clock ever!!).

Morning greetings from a Globemaster

Post 'luxury' washing up bowl treatment

We'd chosen to go into the show itself on the 'quieter' Friday. The short walk to the base meant walking under the flight path and nearly getting flattened by a Typhoon and a Sea King coming in to land (not quite as close as this encounter at RAF Waddington and yes before you ask that would be my dream).

Annoyingly I didn't have the camera ready to catch it as it flew right over us

Hi there

As we got in to the show we were greeted by the return of the two 'alarm clock' F22 Raptors.

The airshow opens at 7.30am and now I see why, the static display is almost 5 miles long! We didn't see a huge amount as we didn't want to miss the flying. I did, however, manage to stumble across an old friend .....

I'm a Tornado fan-girl and proud!

Mum and Dad doing 'patient parents' expressions

RIAT is known for it's special combinations of aircraft (see the Red Arrows & Vulcan back in 2015) and we were treated to a joint flypast by the Red Arrows & The Thunderbirds -

The mighty reds then officially opened the show and set the standard for the rest of the day 

Wing to wing!

If you like F-16s then RIAT is the show for you! With F-16s from the Belgian, Turkish and US Airforces and of course the F-16s operated by the Thunderbirds it's practically an F-16 convention!

The Belgian Air Force F-16

CV-22 Osprey

The RAF Typhoon 'Bringing The Noise'

The Chinook display is always good fun

The impressive Couteau Delta display team

I really enjoyed this Slovenian PC9 trainer, it was incredibly maneuverable, I believe the pilot won
one of the many awards handed out at the end of the show.

The theme of RIAT 2017 was the celebration of a 100 Years of the US Airforce (USAF), to mark it there was a special flypast of types operated by the USAF in the UK.

KC135 Stratotanker

C130 Hercules

F-15s

F-16s

The Thunderbirds closed the show in style -

But the star of the show (aside from the static Tornado obviously) was the F-22 Raptor. Just wow!

"We're going ballistic Mav, go get him!"

"Let's turn and burn"

An utterly insane display

My shaky camerawork doesn't do it's display justice thankfully this is exactly what https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jb2XgRAeC3w was invented for!

We watched the show from the comfort of the caravan on Saturday - in my humble opinion there's nothing as patriotic as enjoying a full English fry up and cup of tea whilst watching the Red Arrows.

Unfortunately the British 'summer' got in the way of some of the earlier displays, the F-22, Typhoon, F-18 & Midnight Hawks had to call off their performances. 

Thankfully I got to see the Italian Airforce Tornado IDS -

It was the first Tornado display I've seen in years and was full of my favourite low altitude high-speed passes (surely the best bit of any jet display let's be honest). 

We had some really low passes by both the Red Arrows -

I spent the whole display trying to get a patriotic photo of one of them with this RAF flag, unfortunately this was the best I got .....

The best moment of the day came courtesy of the Battle Of Britain Memorial Flight (BBMF). Anyone familiar with their displays will  remember that they tend to do 2/3 passes in their formation before breaking for their solo pieces. We were lucky enough to have the formation break directly over our caravan, it was absolutely stunning. Unfortunately neither Dad nor I got that moment on film but I did manage a few other shots of them in all their glory -

The A400M is always worth watching, despite having seen it display for a number of years now it still staggers me how it can be thrown about the sky as if it was a fighter, rather than the heavy transport aircraft that it is. 

Sticking with the theme of transport aircraft I recommend that you check out the 'Spartan' if it happens to be at an airshow with you. It's ridiculously maneuverable and the Italian Air Force put on a really spirited display with theirs'. 

Adding to the USAF theme for the weekend shows were B-17 Flying Fortress 'Sally B' and a P-51 Mustang. 

We were perfectly placed for the Thunderbirds display, we had a number of passes right over us. My new aim in life is to be the 5th Thunderbird who's job it is to fly fast and noisily along the display line!

My noisy spirit-guide

I was really pleased to finally see a solo Rafale display, I'd heard lots of good things about for a few years and it didn't disappoint. 

Such lovely weather

I loved the paintwork

Heading over the top of us to land

The one benefit of the bad weather that rolled back in for the end of the flying display was the vapourtastic photos I managed to get of the SU-27

You can see how close the planes came to us in my other YouTube video. 

RIAT was such a fantastic weekend and it sounds silly to say but I really miss it. I'm already saving the pennies to try and convince Dad we need to go next year ...... possibly to a site with better toilets. 

The things I've learned from the Air Tattoo are -

1. Don't go if for some odd reason you don't like F-16s

2. Go into the grounds as early as possible to have any chance of looking around the static display.

3. Be prepared to photograph as many trees and caravans as you do aircraft (right Dad?)

And finally ...

4. No matter how loud the display, Mum will always fall asleep!

Love Jen

XxxX