Just Keep Swimming

Big Brother Voice* "Week 3 on the Lamotrigine"

Well aside from the black mood that washed in halfway through Friday and is only fading away today, I'm pretty happy with the Lamotrigine. Last night I upped the dose to 3 tablets to try and break my mood and anxiety which hopefully will work. I've definitely been feeling a lot calmer and happier as today has gone on. I'm really, really hoping that it has an effect soon, especially as I only have 4 more sessions with the Psychologist through the Occupational Health service.

I have a new Psychologist as my previous one was only temporary. She seems really nice but it's hard re-going over what I've already discussed. I've indicated to her that I want to tackle my anxiety problems in the remaining sessions, I have a sneaking suspicion that it was anxiety hangover from going out twice (Shocker) last week that pushed my mood down. My problem is that when I'm asked "what are you feeling?" or "Why do you feel this way?" my mind goes blank, which I imagine is some kind of defence mechanism that my brain puts in. I really need to learn to open up quick as with only 4 sessions left it's kinda time-critical. I really hope I get something out of it as, melodramatic as it sounds, I really cannot cope with the idea that this is it for the rest of my life. The thought of constant low mood and terror at the idea of going out and seeing people for the next 50 years really doesn't appeal.

In more positive news I contacted the Blurt Foundation (http://blurtitout.org/) a support and awareness network for those suffering Depression & Anxiety (you can also follow them on Twitter@BlurtAlerts) and they are interested in publishing some of my blogs! I also have Mind putting up one of my blogs on Monday (link to follow as soon as I have it). It's pretty exciting, perhaps this is me finding my voice and using it to help people.

Here's hoping!

Love Jen

XxxxX