Over the last month I’ve been attending a group course at Brightview (the community centre in Eastbourne for people with mental health problems) called WRAP (wellness, recovery, action, plan – nothing to do we me suddenly finding my inner gangsta!) – more information here http://mentalhealthrecovery.com/ .
I’ll admit when I first signed up for the course I was quite sceptical, I’ve tried CBT, Mindfullness etc with no effect before. I also had reservations about meeting other ‘mental’ people, I joked that “sticking a load of nutters in one place isn’t the best of ideas”. I also hated the idea of talking in a group – it takes me quite a long time to warm up to people I’ve never met or spoken to before.
I went into the first session expecting to either walk out at half-time or not come back the next week. And yes the first week was tough, I didn’t really want to contribute, shocking as it may be to believe I actually sat mostly in silence letting other people give their ideas when we split off into groups. There was an exercise with around 50 photo cards where we had to pick one that represented hope to us, they explained that hope in the context of WRAP means something that helps us cope or brightens a bad day. Unfortunately out of the 50 there was not one that applied to me, so I was the only group member with nothing to contribute. We actually had a similar exercise yesterday where we had to pick a card that represented how we’d felt over the last week, again nothing! I’m starting to think I’m not very good at this game (but not as bad as I am at Cluedo!).
The course has focused on different subjects each week, the first week was things that gave us the aforementioned hope. Last week we covered things that were helpful and unhelpful to us. It could be the littlest things such as seeing the rabbits first thing in the morning. Examples of unhelpful things could be people dismissing your problems or not taking them seriously, there are different examples for different people.
The main focus was building our ‘Toolkit’. The idea of the Toolkit is that you fill it either physically or metaphorically with things that help you to cope. We split it into – Very bad days, Not so good days and Ok days. The idea was that on very bad days we had the bare minimum that we do, so for example I would go out and feed and clean the girls and speak to Helen or Kay. On a not so good day I would do the same but add in things like listen to music or do some crafting. On an OK day I would build on this again with things like going for a walk, seeing friends, taking photos, going for a day out, putting on my ‘fun’ clothes, wearing make-up etc. It’s actually amazing how many things I was ‘using’ as coping mechanisms without realising.
This week’s session was based on Triggers that can upset our moods or influence our actions. Turns out that I have 100s of triggers (I also got reprimanded for calling one of mine silly) ranging from reading articles about/seeing examples of bullying, finding groups of school kids intimidating, reading or hearing critical comments about things I’m passionate about e.g music (that was the one I tried to dismiss as silly), seeing images or hearing accounts of animal abuse and so many more. The course tutors pointed out that although a lot of these triggers are unavoidable, in some cases you can take steps to lessen their impact or if they’re avoidable try to cut them out. So in my avoidable triggers I try not to look up opinions about bands I like on social media as some of the comments people make I take almost personally, however the ladies taking the course explained to me that this is because I have an emotional investment as music is such a big part of my life and a major item in my toolbox. Same with animal abuse, if I’m scrolling down my Facebook timeline and see something that looks to be on that subject I scroll past super-fast so as not to take it in.
The group has also made me realise that I really do need to focus on my ‘self-care’ which I have been neglecting for years, spending time running around trying to look after everyone else. As Helen said last night I can only help others effectively if I help myself too. So I guess I need to do more for me, I’m not exactly sure what that constitutes, whether things like going to gigs on my own count (I saw Deap Vally last week – they were really good – check them out if you like female-fronted feminist rock).
The other realisation that I’m starting to have is a kind of forgiveness of myself. There are things that I’ve said or done in the past that have made people think I’m strange – hence being ostracised at school and being told by people that I’ve brought it on myself. Or times when I’ve hurt people and been completely oblivious. I know now that these actions were part of my disorder and not me. I need to finally accept that at the time I had no idea I was ‘ill’ or was unable to think straight in a crisis. Now I’m aware of my actions I can take steps to make sure that I’m ‘behaving right’ although my talent for putting my foot in my mouth remains unaffected!
I’d definitely recommend WRAP to people who ‘don’t do mind-altering’. I’ve learnt so much already and unlike many other methods I’ve tried I can actually apply it in ‘real life’ . I’m really hoping the effect is permanent.
Love Jen
XxxX
