A Grand Day Out

Yesterday me & Helen went on our long-awaited trip to London and what a beautiful day it was! Spring was definitely in the air and the city was bathed in warm sunshine. Perfect for walking around sightseeing!

We started off the day in Green Park -

Of course I got a blossom photo in ... did you really have to ask?

We were lucky enough to see the horse guards in procession 

At Buckingham Palace gate hoping the queen will let us in for cheese on toast (see my previous blog)

We also made sure to visit the RAF Bomber Command Memorial. Whilst I have an obvious interest in all things aviation I also wanted to visit to show respect for those who gave their lives for our country who are often a little overlooked in favour of the Battle Of Britain heroes. 

Lest We Forget

 

We walked back along to Piccadilly Circus  in search of lunch and found Planet Hollywood. We hadn't been in there before, and whilst my heart will always belong to the Hard Rock Cafe, it is well worth a visit. The food was lovely, service was great and there was loads of cool film memorabilia including Han Solo's carbon cast from Star Wars, John Travolta's T-Birds jacket from Grease and an entire section decided to 007 

memorabilia.

Me in Planet Hollywood

 To work off our lunch we decided to walk around St James' Park which is my favorite park because of it's lake, flowers, bird life and friendly squirrels!

Pelicans!

I loved this cheeky chappie

The sunlight made a rainbow in the fountain

How gorgeous are the flowers?

 

We walked back along The Mall to Trafalgar Square 

 

We went to an exhibition at The National Gallery of paintings by Veronese which were stunning, thanks to Helen's influence I really love Renaissance art, it's so beautiful. I'm always stunned when I look at paintings from any era be it Renaissance, Baroque, Pre-Raphelite at how vivid the colours still are after 100s of years. Looking at a painting in a book or on the internet really doesn't do it justice until you see it for real!

I love the hustle & bustle of Trafalgar Square

Can you get a more 'London' photo?

Darth Vadar was evidently enjoying his day in London! 

Still not quite sure why there is a blue chicken in the square ...

After the exhibition we took a wander along to Regent Street to visit Liberty and then had a wander through Carnaby Street where I felt I was exceedingly restrained at not buying anything in the Irregular Choice shop!

Liberty is such a beautiful building

The inside is just as good!

I love the decorations in Carnaby Street

It was a fantastic day out, although I must admit my feet are no longer speaking to me!

Love Jen

XxxX

  

Happy Mothers (and Grandmother's) Day

In our family we don't really go in for Mother's & Father's Day much, I think because we're very close and express our love for each other on a daily basis we don't feel the need to make a big thing of it. However I would like to dedicate a blog to my Mum & Grandma Rae.

When trying to express how I feel about and how much Mum & Grandma mean to me it's hard to find the right words. Along with the rest of my family they have always made me feel loved and secure no matter what. Whenever I have been going through a tough time they've been there for me and we all get on so well.

Dad, Grandad, Me (no I didn't realise my socks were going to be in the picture thanks Chris!), Grandma & Mum Xmas 2012.

I also want to briefly mention Mum's mum, my Grandma Frances who passed away when I was 4, I am told that I've inherited her crafting passion and her love of shoes! There is an anecdote where Dad & Grandad (also sadly RIP) tried to move a wardrobe and nearly broke their backs as she had neglected to remove her vast shoe collection ..... In fact as you may have guessed I have my two Grandma's Rae & Frances as my middle names (Just as my brother Chris has our Grandad's Roy & Frank as his) which is why I like to use them as my Twitter, Flickr & Facebook names!

Me and Mum have had a few amusing incidents of our own over the years, from getting stuck on a slide in France to being the world's worst cyclists and nearly destroying Sovereign Harbour. Mum is also famed for nearly knocking out French cyclists, referring to a shuttle bus service as a "Buttle Service" and asking if vicars get Christmas Day off. 

Mum and Dad Christmas 2013

I also have so many memories of brilliant days out, running the Race For Life, family holidays (yes Mum I'm sorry I dropped your pistachio ice cream when I was 5  and for putting grass in your tea in the New Forest), her sitting on the beach at Airbourne with me in the wind and rain, sheltering in the Pimms tent at another Airbourne.

In Disneyworld Orlando 2005

Making good use of our time hiding in the Pimms tent at Airbourne 2010

Sheltering from the elements Airbourne 2013

A trip to London July 2013 (neither of us 'do' boats but Helen captured this rare evidence of us on the water)

Running the Race For Life 2013

And yes we know, we look very alike!

And now a dedication to Grandma. The first thing you all need to know about my Grandma is that she looks very much like the Queen and I have, on occasion, been known to call her when in the vicinity of Buckingham Palace to ask if I can come in for Cheese On Toast. Possibly because of my influence most of the family & Helen now refer to her as HRH .....

HRH Grandma, Chris & Grandad 2012

Grandma looked after me, Chris and my two cousins Nick & Tim a lot when we were younger so that Mum and Dad could work. We spent after school and school holiday's at her and Grandad's so their house (aka "The Palace" has always been my second home. When we found out that Grandma had cancer at the start of last year I was terrified but in her normal fashion she beat it and she's all clear, although she did insist on showing me her scar!

Grandma didn't really like my tattoos until I got this kingfisher to celebrate her beating cancer, kingfishers are her favorite bird and whenever I go to see her she insists on seeing it. The rose blossom on the branch that it sits on is in memory of my other Grandma who always loved roses. 

Happy Mother's Day Mum & Grandma, thank you for everything and I love you both so much.

Jen

XxxX

A Blog Ahead Of World Bipolar Awareness Day

How funny, in the blog I posted earlier today I mentioned how helpful the mental health charity Rethink are with their resources and lo and behold an e-mail has just popped up on my Blackberry informing me that Sunday is world Bipolar awareness day. So I feel with my recent experience that a second blog of the day is in order. Whilst I don't have a "formal" Bipolar diagnosis on my medical history I do believe this, rather than Unipolar Depression, is what I wrestle with on a daily basis. I have been told by a psychologist that I have far too many 'highs' to have depression and I take Lamotringe, a mood stabiliser, that is only prescribed for Bipolar so I figure if the cap fits ….

 

Ever since I can remember I have struggled to comprehend the sudden changes in thoughts and moods that I have. I can honestly be on top of the world one minute and the next at the bottom of a cliff. I guess I just thought that everyone was the same, with sudden mood changes or freaking out about strange things. It was only later on after researching the condition that I realised that these changes and the high level of anxiety and my irrational anger that I have are in fact symptoms of Bipolar. I've discussed my path to getting the right treatment in previous blogs so I don't want to re-tread old ground today. I want to try and capture what living with Bipolar is like and dispel some common misconceptions. To do this I want to use the e-mail I received from Rethink with some of the statistics they've provided.

 

Over one in ten (13%) of people think that Bipolar is "another name for mood swings"

 

I think the way that Bipolar is portrayed in the media can lead to this stereotype, of someone laughing one minute and crying the next. Whilst this is great for dramatic or comedic value the truth is far less amusing. When a 'low' really hits it can leave you feeling like you've been hit by a train. The best way I can describe a depressive episode is being surrounded by a black cloud that smothers everything and chokes you. When I am low all I want to do is sleep to escape from the hideous blackness and horrible, horrible thoughts that spin around my head. By the same token, although I have never experienced a 'manic' high, my 'highs' tend to involve me talking incessantly, having 'amazing' ideas that will change the world running through my head at 100 miles an hour, making declarations and promises that I know I will struggle to keep, I have to watch my spending else I will end up with 15 identical polka dot dresses. Obviously the 'highs' can be brilliant, I feel energetic, I get lots of creative work done, I'm sociable and everything is fun. I think these contrasts are way more than a PMT-style mood swing!

 

Less than one in four (18%) of people would tell their boss if they had Bipolar disorder

 

I am incredibly lucky in my workplace that the colleagues I have opened up to about my illness have been fantastic. Because of how tired my medication makes me I am allowed to work through lunch and leave at 4pm to ensure I can have a sleep before dinner so I still get an evening. When I'm having a "low" period/day they know not to push me and to make me plenty of cups of tea! On the flipside on my energetic "up" days they benefit from me working far faster than normal! All joking aside though, unfortunately because of Bipolar's duel- state of mind nature people find it hard to get to grips with someone who can appear upbeat and happy one day and depressed the next. There have also been so many horror stories of "mental" people lurking in dark alleys with knives that people automatically think that someone with Bipolar will "flip" out on them. I think some of the, incredibly untrue, consensus that exists in some work places is that people with Bipolar are somehow less reliable because if someone can't control their mood then how can they be relied upon to deliver the goods at work?

I guess what I'd most like people to know about living with Bipolar is how damn difficult it can be. It's hard to cope with any kind of pressure or stress as it can flip my mood out entirely. I worry that I won't be able to progress in work or life because of this, any little changes can destabilise my mood. I have to work hard to try and keep my head in check, my medication helps with this but I still have to do a lot of the graft. It's hard to explain to someone that you don't know if you can do something on a particular day because if I've hit a low I'm really bad company. However when I'm on a high I get a crazy, wonderful buzz that nothing touches. So as difficult as living with such an unpredictable condition can be, it's those moments I hang onto.

Love Jen

XxxX

Pick N Mix

Apologies for the lack of blogging action lately, it's been a pretty tough couple of weeks with a lot of stress at work which has really pushed my "not self-harming" limits. Thankfully I have been able to quell the urge. In fact since my blog about self-harming a couple of weeks ago I have contacted Rethink who's article about Peer Support inspired the blog about whether I could get involved with peer-supporting. I haven't had anything concrete back yet but the person I contacted has passed my details onto someone who wants to set up a support group so watch this space … I've also been thinking that I'd like to do some kind of fundraising for Mind and Rethink as I've found the support on their websites and through speaking to people who work with them on Twitter brilliant. They've also been kind enough to publish some of my blogs and the reception I've had because of that has been brilliant. I've already ruled out anything involving running because, as my Dad so eloquently put it "that would go against your life's ambition of breaking into anything more than a trot" (love you Dad) and any kind of climbing of large hills or mountains. I was thinking maybe some kind of tea party like my friend Kayleigh had recently for the Brain Trust. I could stock up on tea and cake and make some bits to sell to raise a few more pennies. I just want to try and give something back and hopefully ensure that other people get the support I have.

 

Although it has been a tough couple of weeks there have been some very bright spots. Last Tuesday me & Helen hopped on the train to Portsmouth to visit Kay. I always forget how pretty the scenery is between here and Portsmouth, especially passing Arundel Castle and Chichester Cathedral. There was a small geeking incident when as the train went past Shoreham Airport I noticed that they had a Tornado parked up as a gate guard, the ensuing excitement meant that I missed an entire field of Shetland Ponies and Miniature Goats! I am also happy to announce that there is now photographic evidence of me on a boat not groaning and looking green …. Admittedly it was a close run thing and I argue that the ability to get seasick in 3 and a half minutes is a talent so there! We finally got to meet Kay's furbabies the dogs Millie Moo & Max and the bunnies Clover, Button Boo, Barney Wabbit and Lily Lou much cooing and cuddling was of course in order! It was also really lovely to meet Kayleigh and Seth, Seth is adorable and so bright and that is coming from someone who does normally "do" babies, he totally won me over and I was clucking like a good 'un! We spent the afternoon at Gunwarf Quay shopping centre, a large portion of which was spent in the Lindt shop yum! I also felt it was rude not to visit the Dr Martens factory store and was rewarded by finally getting my grubby paws on a pair of bright red boots I've been lusting after for ages. A week later I still find myself staring lovingly at their beauty. I had a really great day with two of my best friends and we've since booked to go to London Zoo in June for further squeeing at cute creatures!

 

I'm also incredibly excited for the new Formula 1 season, I've only gotten into it over the last 2/3 years because of Helen & Chris but I love it! I actually really enjoy getting up at silly o'clock for races and watching it get light outside whilst I watch the race. It's also notable for the appearance of Chris pre-9am on a weekend! I know a lot of people have been complaining that it's not exciting anymore but I think those fears can be allayed after the Australian Grand Prix. I'm hoping that McLaren do well this season, and on the strength of the last race's performances it's looking good!

 

This weekend Helen is off so we're off to London tomorrow to go and see the Veronese Renaissance exhibition http://www.nationalgallery.org.uk/whats-on/exhibitions/veronese-magnificence-in-renaissance-venice (how cultured are we!) at the National Gallery. I'm hoping that all the blossom will be out in Green Park too, it's one of my favourite places to walk through in the city and you all know I love a good blossom photo! I feel that the trip may also have to pause at the Helen-Mecca that is M&M World in order for us to stock up on sustaining nutrition. You all know how much I love London and wandering around it's parks, galleries, markets etc so keep your fingers crossed for good weather!

 

Have a good weekend!

 

Love Jen

XxxX

Springing Along

After Friday's blog I wanted to end the weekend on a positive note and share some of the photos I've taken over the last couple of weekends. Whilst I don't claim to be anything special in the photography stakes (you should check it my brother Chris' photos - they're amazing https://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisr91/) I do find going for a wander, camera in paw, extremely therapeutic.

I've still got lots to learn and a lot of experimenting to do but here's a few nice, spring photos. I hope you like them!

Of course I named him Absolom

I love blossom!

Of course nothing beats two adorable bunnies and your best friend to set you back right! 

Me and Esme

Helen and Esme

Me and Estelle

My Stelly, what muddy paws you have!

Hope every one of you has had a good weekend!

Love Jen

XxxX

Anger Management (or lack thereof)

Tonight's blog is one typed with a lot of guilt about the way I've been acting lately. There's been some stresses happening at work of late that have been getting to me which means I've been awful to be around, especially to poor Helen who gets the brunt of it which is a terrible way to treat my best friend. 

I treated with some derision the advice I read about keeping my stress levels down ‎in order to manage my mood. But now I'm starting to think that had the last laugh. I have, quite frankly, been evil of late; snappy, shouty, ranting and just generally nasty. When i re-watched Stephen Fry's brilliant documentary about being Bipolar one of the experts pointed out that people with the condition struggle to progress in the workplace because stress sets them off.

I'm wary of saying that I'm acting like this just because of my illness. I certainly do not intend to use it as an excuse for any bad behaviour, I need to take responsibility for that. But there is something in my head, like a fuse box, that just goes 'bang' when provoked too much. Unfortunately it's happening a lot at the moment.

When I was still cutting myself it was my way of dealing with emotions like this and controlling them. But now that I'm trying to keep that option at bay the frustration and anger has nowhere to go. 

I'm really hoping the specific things that are going on will pass over soon for everyone's sake. In the meantime I really must try harder to keep my lid on as it's really unfair on everyone around me to have to put up with my moods. 

Love Jen

XxxX

Music & Me

The fault of me writing a second blog of the day lies entirely with my friend Kay. She has been tweeting me links to music review sites advertising vacancies in the knowledge that my (not so) secret dream is to be a music journalist or be part of the music industry (no Helen don't panic I'm not going to sing). 

As you'll all know music is pretty much my biggest passion, my favourite artists have changed over the years and my taste widened but my love of music has always been there. A lot of people can boast that music has gotten them through tough times (and I'm in no way dismissing that) but I wonder if music means the world to them as it does to me.

My musical heros -

Green Day part of the soundtrack to my college years

30 Seconds To Mars (oh yeah and me)

Joan Jett

Jimi Hendrix

And of course NIRVANA!

Me with Kurt Cobain's ACTUAL GUITAR at the Hard Rock vaults in London

I was actually a pretty late starter when it came to music, I actually think the first music that I actually felt that made me feel euphoric at the same time as shattering my heart at the thought that I may never hear it again was *cough, shuffle, cough, mutter* the er Lion King soundtrack. Yep whilst my school friends were screaming for Take That I was rocking out to songs inspired by cartoon lions (yes since you ask the soundtrack is on my ipod).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=HwSKkKrUzUk
Yes this is a massive tune!

I think music and I became a team when I started secondary school. When you're a nerdy 11 year old that most of the year hates you need to take solace in something and for me music was it. Music was my safety blanket that would never let me down or laugh at me. I guess it became my best friend. Funny how now the reason I have my best friend is because of music!

I quickly learnt that music taste is incredibly important in your social status at school, like the wrong band and you're toast. As you may have guessed mine wasn't up to scratch. This did however make me fiercely protective of the bands and singers I loved and I will still argue today that N*Sync are far superior to the Backstreet Boys!

For me the musical game changer came around 2000/2001, I'd always been mostly a pop fan but then the Nu-Metal and pop-punk crazes hit big time. Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, Papa Roach, Blink 182, Sum 41 were writing songs about being alone and angry at the world, perfect for a 14 year old sick of being bullied. I remember long conversations with friends debating the merits of Fred Durst (Limp Bizkit) vs Coby Dick nee Jacoby Shaddix (Papa Roach). Most importantly? The 'in-crowd' who I detested as much as they detested me hated it. Sold!

I Love Rock N Roll (thanks for the loan of the guitar Alli)

Of course rock music was going to eventually find me, it's the music of rebellion and freedom. I'm lucky enough to have parents with pretty awesome taste in music who introduced me to the likes of Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple, Black Sabbath and later Pink Floyd, Tom Petty and so many more. In fact even now I tend to get "turn it up" shouted up to me rather than parental noise control demands!

Once I got to college music became part of my social life more than ever. My friends and I would regularly be found at gigs, I met my future fiancee due to a shared love of Nirvana and god-like worship of Kurt Cobain (I like to think I got custody of that when we split some years later), I met so many new friends who loved music as much as I did and we were always gossiping about hot new indie bands. Music was now rated by the album rather than the single, it was important when referencing a song you liked to add whether the album was any good or not and if the band are any cop live, I can still be found declaring "I love this song *insert* the album's really good/ but I hated the album/ they're awesome live/ they were awful when I saw them (hello Red Hot Chilli Peppers - no I still haven't forgiven you for your shocking Reading 2007 performance)". Of course the ultimate statement of cool was the wearing of a t-shirt of a band - especially if you've bought it at one of their shows, and yes I still hold this belief today - hence my large collection of band shirts ......

This shirt is actually my Dad's from Reading Festival in the 1970s thus propelling it to epically cool scores

Even in the heat of Florida I couldn't be parted with my pop art Kurt Cobain t-shirt

Jenni circa 2003 in my Blur shirt

Albums that remind me of my college years? The Killers - Hot Fuss, Razorlight - Up All Night, Nirvana - Greatest Hits, Green Day - American Idiot, Black Sabbath - Paranoid. Best gigs I went to over those 2 years? Blur at the Brighton Centre, Manic Street Preachers Brighton Centre, The Hives Brighton Dome, Ash Hammersmith Apollo, REM in Hyde Park and of course Reading Festival.

Ah festivals, I'd heard legend of them whilst growing up from my parents who seemed to spend their entire youth at Reading. This was one rite of passage I couldn't wait to embark on! The date was August bank holiday weekend of 2005 and it was fucking amazing! I loved the sheer amount of bands on the bill, the "anything goes" attitude, the general everyone loves everyone else vibe pretty much everything apart from the toilets of course! The headliners that year were The Pixies, The Foo Fighters and Iron Maiden *throws horns* lower down the bill My Chemical Romance, Marilyn Manson, Razorlight, Queens Of The Stone Age, The Coral and The Killers - I still shed many a nostalgic tear for that hour leant against an ice cream van singing along to the entirety of Hot Fuss.

I still maintain that festivals are brilliant value for money (how much would it cost to see all those bands individually?) and are the best way to discover new bands, some of the bands I've first encountered at festivals over the years and have become a fan of include Biffy Clyro, Bring Me The Horizon, The Deftones and The Ghost Inside.

Rather disheveled after 30 Seconds To Mars' set at Reading 2011 

Me and Gem at sunny Download 2013

Reading 2007

Ah festival rain - Reading 2011

It wouldn't be a festival without a tasteful hat! Reading 2011

I love live shows, they really test whether a band "does what it says on the tin" and can of course make or break a band. I can be really put off if I see a band and they, frankly, suck live (yes I am still talking about you Chili Peppers) on the flip side I can see a band who I didn't particularly like the sound of on CD but live they are fantastic - I found this with Bring Me The Horizon who were stunning at Reading. Other acts I've seen live who I've loved are Green Day, Iron Maiden, My Chemical Romance, Lady GaGa (yes really), Muse and of course 30 Seconds To Mars. 

Off to see Alice Cooper in appropriate make-up

Me and 30STM 2009

I travelled nearly 8000 miles for this show, I don't like Mars v much .....

I guess ultimately the point I'm trying to get across is how much music means to me. Some songs can bring me in from the blackest moods, some make me want to dance like a loon, some choke me up with nostalgic memories, some send shivers down my spine. I have always maintained that if I was ever in a coma play me some of my favourite songs and I'll soon come around singing along.

Love Jen

XxxX