Having been picked on at Primary School, bullied all 5 years of Secondary School, suffered bullying in a previous workplace and been the victim of Twitter abuse I like to consider myself fairly well placed to speak on the subject, Perhaps a future Mastermind subject? "Jenni you have 60 seconds to answer questions on your specialist subject Bullying", but I digress.
Sadly bullying blights the life of many people and it's not just kids. In the age of social media "Adult bullying" for want of a better term is on the rise. People are finding it more acceptable to harass and insult each other across all sorts of mediums. Whilst the media focuses on the extreme examples and their tragic consequences I'd like to tell my own story.
I've never been popular, I've always been a self-confessed geek. When I was at primary school although I was picked on, called fat and stupid – the normal stuff, it was bearable. Secondary school was a whole different story. The saddest thing is that I consider my case to be one of the lesser cases of bullying that I witnessed in my year group I was lucky only to have been physically bullied on a small number of occasions including being shot with a BB gun (first person shooter games aren't so fun when you're the target). However the old saying that "Sticks & stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me" is woefully untrue, imagine 5 years of your life where you are being reminded daily that you are ugly, fat, weird and a freak. Add to this regular teenage angst and you have a recipe for a mental health disaster (or of course a really good Emo-rock album). Imagine if you will sitting at the front of a classroom with all manner of items being thrown at you whilst the teacher stands back and watches then pulls you aside at the end of the lesson and tells you "Don't isolate yourself from the tutor group", erm thanks I'll bear that in mind next time I duck the pencil sharpener.
Oddly my depression & anxiety, although directly connected to the bullying, didn't come on until after college. I think that because I had the most amazing time at college with the friends that I did have from school it wiped away the memories and insecurities for two glorious years. It was when this was over that the memories and feelings returned and mutated into serious mental illness.
The media concentrate on the immediate after effects of bullying but the truth is the effects reach further than you can imagine. I left school 10 years ago, an entire decade. Yet even after 7 years of being on medication and going through various counselling and talking therapies I can still feel like that isolated 13 year old with everyone laughing at her. I'm paranoid that my hair is greasy after comments made over 12 years ago.
I'm not trying to write a "Woe is me" blog as many people I have the pleasure to talk to here and on Twitter (I'm @JenRaeFrances if you're interested) have come through far worse experiences and I have so much respect for their strength and resilience. However I really think there is an argument for exploring the long-term effects of bullying long after school is over, if someone was to explain, frankly and openly how much the actions of others have affected them down the line would that make kids (or even adults) stop and think how they treat people? If even one bully was stopped in their tracks as a result of being shown the damage they are doing then that's one less person suffering now and potentially in the future. Of course if the government were to think about this it could be pointed out to them that if they were to introduce robust legislation against bullying and toughen up on the woeful anti-bullying policies in schools like mine then in the future services such as the NHS could be saved millions in prescriptions for anti-depressants and counselling services.
If you are reading this and are being bullied, then first of all *Massive hugs*, secondly well done on being brave and coping every day. At the risk of sounding like a cliché it will get better, in little ways you will be able to fight back, maybe not whilst you are at school but in the future you will have brief moments when you look back and think "Ha if you could see me now" (yes one of mine was when Jared Leto of 30 Seconds To Mars told me I was cool). One of the ways I fought back was by taking pride in being a "freak", it gave me freedom to be myself and have friends who accepted me for me rather than someone trying to fit in with the in-crowd.
So remember, no matter who you are, whether you're 5, 15, 25 or 105 then you are better than the bullies. It will get better. If I can survive it then so can you. Good luck!
Lots of Love
Jen
Xxxxxx
Ps Remember if you are being bullied there is lots of support out there from charities such as
http://nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk/ (this one also covers bullying in the workplace)
Childline & The NSPCC also have really good resources
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on O2
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