I debated about whether to blog about how I feel today or not but then I thought that in order to give an honest reflection of living with mental illness I need to document the dark and the light days.
I have a few ideas over what has led me to be having a low day today, I interviewed for a job that I didn't get yesterday and whilst I'm really happy that my colleague got the position as she will do really well it has knocked my confidence and made me doubt my abilities. It's allowed the negative thought processes to seep in and hiss unhelpful comments such as "You're useless at the job you're doing at the moment, who the hell would promote you?". Even though the feedback I got from the interview was really positive unfortunately depression over-rides logic (Sorry Spock).
I'm also on a low because now Airbourne is over I see summer as being over. I really dislike Autumn and I detest winter. All the things I enjoy happen in the summer such as airshows, festivals, evening walks, sitting outside with the bunnies, BBQs, garden parties etc. Whereas all winter serves up is rubbish weather and dull, dark days. I think I struggle at this time of year with Autumn coming as Autumn always signals the start of school. Whilst I thankfully haven't been in that position for 10 years now I still suffer the dreads at this time of year of pretty much returning to hell after 6 weeks of heavenly freedom.
I'm trying very hard to focus on things that I have planned to cheer me up – this weekend I'm off to London with Helen for a few days which'll be great! And of course means you lucky people will get some more 'Jenni's Top Travel Tips' (please try and contain your excitement).
Hopefully like rain clouds my mood'll shift and move along over the day, seeing Helen tonight will certainly help as it always does – she knows how to insult, I mean cheer, me out of a bad mood :p
Love Jen
XxxxX
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on O2
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