"Oh my ears and whiskers"

It's been 2 weeks now since Stelly's accident. I'm sure anyone who's friends with me on Facebook is sick of hearing about it. I've been advised to "move past it" but it's not happening.

The girls are my children, they are my absolute world. I can't have kids because of my BPD (it can be dangerous for Mum and kid with all the hormones) and having Endometriosis would make conceiving very difficult. I've trained myself to look on small humans (aside from a select view) with dislike and be relieved that I don't have them. If your child had made that horrendous screaming noise you'dve had nightmares every night since, I can guarantee that.

I can't look at her without wanting to cry, I worry about the effect it's having on poor Esme too. They went on the grass on Monday for the first time since the accident, Esme was jumping for joy and binkying all over the place at finally being out. All was well until she started chasing Stelly (she's always done that even though they've been 'done' since 2010) which upset Stell meaning I had to put them away.

The vet said that Stell is likely to always be incontinent so I've been wiping her every morning, which I'm more than happy to do to keep her comfortable. Every teeny thing she does has me paranoid. This morning for example I heard a squeak when I went to catch her to give her the wipes. I initially thought it was a bird and went on with washing her without further incident. Then I heard the noise again shortly after when she and Esme were doing their excited spin. I looked it up on the Internet and a lot of websites and forums classed it in with screaming (trust me it wasn't that). That or it being some kind of happy noise. This description kept popping up - 

"If you hear a rabbit make a shrill squeaking sound, there's a good chance that he's feeling happy about something. ... When rabbits squeak and the sound is a little bit deeper, it often signifies that they feel trapped. Perhaps you're petting your bunny and he wants you to stop so he can get back to playing independently."

I can understand the threatened explanation for when I was about to pick her up to be washed, I'd use some choice language if someone tried to do it to me! But she also made it with Esme, that's what worries me. She can't surely feel threatened by Esme all of a sudden? They're always together.

I know I should chill out and stop obsessing about every teeny thing that she does. I still feel responsible for her hurting herself. I can't have been holding her properly. Normally she's the far more docile rabbit when being held or carried rather than The Right Hon Miss Esme Wigglebum. But she managed to leap out and damage herself.

And no I can't just 'get over' this.

Love Jen
XxxX