I recently finished my course of free counselling at Brightview in Eastbourne, unfortunately due to huge demand (as they say in Top Gun “the list is long and distinguished”) they can only offer 8 sessions per person as Brightview is a charity and receives no NHS funds. I’ve also recently discharged myself from my Psychiatrist as all he seemed to be able to tell me was keep taking the meds and lose some weight because apparently the lighter you are, the happier you are (what a great message to be sending out!), the plan was to discharge me at my next appointment anyway so I felt the appointment could have been given to someone in genuine need of urgent help.
When I first saw him I was really impressed, he spent ages listening to my symptoms before giving me a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder with OCD. But in the later sessions he hadn’t been as interested, telling me to drink coffee and try not to fall asleep when I complained of my exhaustion (despite the fact that coffee ramps up my anxiety and leaves me headachey and nauseous) and ignored my accounts of the hallucinations I experience at night that disturb my sleep.
The counselling helped to uncover some things that I’d forgotten, or subdued that may have all been small triggers for the state I’m in today or for other problems that I have. For example being groped intimately by one of my classmates in the first couple of weeks of secondary school has probably contributed to my fear of intimacy with people (hence 6 years of singledom!); actually I just realised that today is the 6th anniversary of me and Adi breaking up – there’s an irony! Losing Nat and blaming myself for not keeping a closer eye on her has led to my constant anxiety about bad things happening to friends and family members. So now that the counselling and psychiatrist input has finished I am once again adrift.
Because Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is quite a difficult condition (well done me for being awkward) to live with and treat it means that treatment options are few and far between. The counselling I was having at Brightview was what’s known as ‘Person Centred Counselling” which basically means letting me rant and rave with the counsellor asking questions to help identify underlying themes and events that might have caused you to feel the way you do.
The recommended treatment for BPD is what’s known as Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), the NHS Choices website has this to say
–Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT)
Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) is a type of therapy specifically designed to treat people with BPD.
DBT is based on the idea that two important factors contribute towards BPD:
you are particularly emotionally vulnerable – for example, low levels of stress make you feel extremely anxious
you grew up in an environment where your emotions were dismissed by those around you – for example, a parent may have told you that you had no right to feel sad or you were just "being silly" if you complained of feelings of anxiety or stress
These two factors may cause you to fall into a vicious cycle – you experience intense and upsetting emotions, yet feel guilty and worthless for having these emotions. Because of your upbringing, you think having these emotions makes you a bad person. These thoughts then lead to further upsetting emotions.
The goal of DBT is to break this cycle by introducing two important concepts:
validation: accepting your emotions are valid, real and acceptable
dialectics: a school of philosophy that says most things in life are rarely "black or white" and that it's important to be open to ideas and opinions that contradict your own
The DBT therapist will use both concepts to try to bring about positive changes in your behaviour.
For example, the therapist could accept (validate) that feelings of intense sadness cause you toself-harm, and that behaving in such a way does not make you a terrible and worthless person.
However, the therapist would then attempt to challenge the assumption that self-harming is the only way to cope with feelings of sadness.
The ultimate goal of DBT is to help you "break free" of seeing the world, your relationships and your life in a very narrow, rigid way that leads you to engage in harmful and self-destructive behaviour.
DBT usually involves weekly individual and group sessions, and you'll be given an out-of-hours contact number to call if your symptoms get worse.
DBT is based on teamwork. You'll be expected to work with your therapist and the other people in your group sessions. In turn, the therapists work together as a team.
DBT has proved particularly effective in treating women with BPD who have a history of self-harming and suicidal behaviour. It's been recommended by the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) as the first treatment for these women to try.
Accessing DBT is another challenge altogether. DBT is a very specific treatment so practitioners under the NHS are very few and far between. The only real place to find it is through private therapists and unfortunately I don’t think the rabbits would appreciate having their hutch remortgaged! A quick search for general counselling and therapy in the Eastbourne area throws up a massive blank. All the therapists that we have are private and charge £40 for 50 minutes! There is a free counselling service in Hastings but again that only offers 5 sessions, I believe I need ongoing support as it’s day to day things that cause me problems rather than just things in my past.
Case in point being a nasty incident with Estelle on Sunday where she jumped out of my arms as I was putting her in the hutch and hurt her leg, screaming in pain (the most awful sound I have ever heard). I had a full on meltdown which I’m still suffering with 3 days later. Thankfully Stelly only seems to have bruised herself and is starting to move around again, my only real concern now is her dirty bottom from where she has had an upset stomach and been peeing where she sits (a stress reaction I’m guessing).
So at the moment treatment-wise I’ve pretty much been cast adrift to fend for myself with my ups and downs, crazy ideas and brain flips. Here’s hoping that by some miracle the NHS suddenly decides to fund some help in the local area and I can get on the list.
Love Jen
XxxX
Ps Only I could shoehorn in a Top Gun quote to a blog about my mental health!
No comments:
Post a Comment