I've just finished reading Elle's Feminism Issue and like the best of any kind of journalism I found it incredibly thought-provoking and inspiring.
I first became aware of the concept of feminism when I was a young teen in the late 90s early 00s. In history we studied the women's suffrage movement and a brief comparison was made to the 'bra-burning' feminists of the last century. It was crucially all presented as 'history' as if all objectives had been achieved.
Looking back now the examples set to me and other girls my age during those impressionable years were appaling. The popular magazines - Sugar, Mizz, Shout & J17 to name a few were full of articles about how to mold yourself to be attractive to boys.
I can't remember any articles that focused on the importance of school work or how to break into career paths, but hey don't worry yourself here's a whole page dedicated to a survey of boys telling us which flavour lipgloss makes you more 'snoggable' (I still hate that word!!!).
School itself wasn't any better. The boys in my year group would think nothing of loudly critiquing your looks to each other, if you hit back with a smart response you were a "bitch", if you tried to stand up for yourself you were laughed at, if you showed you were upset then you had no sense of humour.
The lads were also at perfect liberty to paw and squeeze at us girls right under the noses of teachers with no reproach. In one incident a boy in my class squeezed my boobs in front of everyone whilst declaring "Jenni has big boobies", I looked up to our teacher and she just looked away and refused to meet my eye. The girls were expected to laugh along with the 'joke'.
The worst incident that happened to me was in the first few weeks of school. Queuing outside a classroom one boy took it upon himself to shove his hand roughly between my legs and wriggle his fingers around in order to entertain his mates. At 11 years old and already feeling pretty isolated and alone in a new school I confided in my parents, I was hoping that they would assure me that this was just a normal rite of passage. Naturally they were disgusted with my account of the event and immediately contacted the school.
What followed was an excruciatingly embarrassing interview with the deputy head having to detail exactly where I had been touched. The outcome was the boy was given a half hour detention and I was mocked for reporting the incident for the next 5 years, at one point even feeling that I needed to apologise to him for the trouble I'd caused him! I was on the receiving end of a lot of this kind of treatment for the entireity of my school time, being grabbed, having my butt slapped or in one incident being repeatedly kicked whilst crouching down on the floor.
The teachers at my school missed a real opportunity to tackle these problems head on. It happened to nearly all the girls at one point or another. They witnessed girls deliberately dumbing themselves down in order to hang out with the 'cool' boys. If they had lead a discussion on why this behaviour was unacceptable it would have helped the boys change their ways (I genuinely think that they believed the way they behaved was funny and normal) and crucially teach the girls that it's not ok for them to be treated in this way.
I didn't realise that these experiences would pave the way for how I viewed myself with relation to men. My first few kisses with boys were slobbery affairs with me nearly gagging on tongues shoved down my throat. I just put up with it as according to the advice columns in needed to make sure that my partner enjoyed his snog and if I was a really lucky girl he may snog me again!
Even in my one serious relationship I naturally took on a subservient role as it just seemed to be the 'done thing'. Whilst my boyfriend never treated me badly he was used to being waited on hand and foot by his mother and sister and having everything his own way.
I put all his wants and needs before my own, supporting him financially, having sex despite finding it painful because I thought that was how a good girlfriend would behave. One evening after we'd been to a party he insisted on having sex, he was quite rough that night (I put it down to him being drunk as he was always quite gentle) and wouldn't stop despite me being in agony, asking me to "just let me finish". When I came to during the night I was laying in a large patch of blood. The next morning I felt so bruised, even walking was an effort, the sheets were washed and he claimed not to remember the incident. Our relationship broke down after I started to become more independent, wanting to go on holidays with friends and do my own thing.
I should make clear here that this isn't a blog attacking my ex or men in general. My ex and I had some wonderful times together that I wouldn't change for the world. I'm lucky enough to have brilliant guys in my life my Dad, brother, Grandad, friends Luke, Barry and James who treat everyone with respect no matter who they are, or demonstrating equal opportunities piss-taking in Dad's case!
Feminism isn't about being better than men or beating them at life. It's about women being equal to men and having the same control over their lives and bodies that men take for granted. I believe that no woman should ever have to "put up" with anyone's behaviour towards her, feel ashamed of who she is, be scared to be at home, work or school. No woman should have to fear abuse be it physical or mental.
I believe that women should demand equal treatment, rights and opportunities to men. Not more than just equal. As Floyd Dell said in 1914 in his article on women's suffrage "feminism is going to make it possible for the first time for men to be free".
I believe that men and women should all be able to break free of the constraints of gender expectations and live their lives the way they want. And that is what makes me a feminist.
Love Jen
XxxX
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