Insert Smiley Face

I've realised that today is almost exactly 6 months since I started taking the Lamotrigine tablets and (apologies for the cliché) wow what a difference. When I compare how I am now to how I was before it seems almost impossible how much has changed.

 

When I was still on the anti-depressents life in general was either black or white, really good or really bad. There was almost no in-between or middle ground. I was being exhausted by moods that flipped from rock bottom to sky high and almost crippled by constant anxiety. I was incredibly low despite the high moods that I had and couldn't honestly ever picture feeling better or really achieving anything in life because whatever I tried to do my head got in the way.

 

Now, only 6 months later, it's an entirely different picture. The new tablets have worked wonders, my mood has impoved unimagineably. The low moments aren't nearly as severe, I still get the highs but not the crazyness where my mind was leaping from one thing to the next, racing at 100 miles an hour and then tipping over into extreme anxiety. I still wake up very low each moring, I don't know if maybe I have to start physically moving for the tablets I've taken the night before to fully take effect. It takes about an hour and a half/2 hours before my mood lifts. My only other complaint about the tablets is that they do leave me absolutely exhausted, I have to take them at night because of their sedative effect but I still need a sleep as soon as I get home from work to have any chance of a productive evening.

 

The tablets have allowed me the headspace to carry on with my creative pursuits with more energy and focus than before. Whether it's making jewellery or sewing or taking myself off for a walk to take photos. They've given me to confidence to make contact with old friends I lost when I was unwell and couldn't entertain the idea of going out and socialising. I also hope they've made me a nicer person to be around, someone who is more enthusiatic and positive and generally better company.

 

I think the biggest thing for me is that I can say that I'm happy. Once the low mood has shifted in the morning I generally am in a good mood for the day. I've been feeling good for a few months now and I was scared to confess that I was in case I somehow jinxed it. But I am happy, I feel positive about life for the first time in a long while and more importantly equipped to deal with challenges and hurdles that life may throw at me without melting down.

 

*Insert smiley face*

 

Love Jen

XxxxX