Anger Management (or lack thereof)

Tonight's blog is one typed with a lot of guilt about the way I've been acting lately. There's been some stresses happening at work of late that have been getting to me which means I've been awful to be around, especially to poor Helen who gets the brunt of it which is a terrible way to treat my best friend. 

I treated with some derision the advice I read about keeping my stress levels down ‎in order to manage my mood. But now I'm starting to think that had the last laugh. I have, quite frankly, been evil of late; snappy, shouty, ranting and just generally nasty. When i re-watched Stephen Fry's brilliant documentary about being Bipolar one of the experts pointed out that people with the condition struggle to progress in the workplace because stress sets them off.

I'm wary of saying that I'm acting like this just because of my illness. I certainly do not intend to use it as an excuse for any bad behaviour, I need to take responsibility for that. But there is something in my head, like a fuse box, that just goes 'bang' when provoked too much. Unfortunately it's happening a lot at the moment.

When I was still cutting myself it was my way of dealing with emotions like this and controlling them. But now that I'm trying to keep that option at bay the frustration and anger has nowhere to go. 

I'm really hoping the specific things that are going on will pass over soon for everyone's sake. In the meantime I really must try harder to keep my lid on as it's really unfair on everyone around me to have to put up with my moods. 

Love Jen

XxxX