If I ever meet Pharrell Williams I may just slap him, nothing against him as a person but this summer he unleashed that bloody 'Happy' song on the world. The problem lies with it's title and subject matter "woo hoo I'm happy everyone join in and be happy too" not my favorite thing to hear when I can barely function because I'm so low.
The same applies to the general festive period, songs enthusing the joy of Christmas, movies lecturing upon the magic at this time of year - whatever has gone badly will be fixed because its Christmas. People wandering around hyper on festive cheer. Now I certainly don't begrudge anyone being happy and enjoying the holidays. I just find it exhausting and misery-making trying to keep up the happy mask.
I had been doing really well until the last couple of days, me and Dad had made a pact to be cheerful over Christmas. In fact most of this week I had been on a real high, very bouncy and excited and making loads of Christmas decorations and bits.
But yesterday morning I woke up with the beginnings of a low that I tried to brush off and ignore, but today it's here with a vengeance. It's like the Grinch has popped up in my head and declared that no way am I having a merry Christmas and don't even think about a happy new year.
If Christmas magic was real it would cure my unpredictable and controlling moods and anxiety and un-fry my brain so that I can go back to work and function like a normal human being.
But I won't hold my breath.
Love Jen
XxxX
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