I guess we'll call it starting as I'm likely to go on. First of all I better 'come out' as saying I don't really 'do' new year. I've had too many horrendous ones consoling Nat or listening to my Ex's family argue. The whole 'forced happiness' thing that lots of people struggle with at Christmas is my bug bear over new year. Of course the last 3 NYE's have been infinitely better as I've stayed in with Helen and my parents and spent it in a far more civilised manner (even if last night Mum did forget the bacon-wrapped sausages *sacriledge*) .
So along with celebrations the other thing I struggle with is resolutions, I really don't see how you're magically supposed to change just because at midnight it's a new year. It's the same as saying "right today is Monday 23rd March I will magically be able to quit smoking". In the words of Spok it's just not logical!
I know the theory around resolutions is "in with the new" and self-improvement etc but why not chose any day of the year? If you're gagging to get in touch with your spiritual self then why wait? Get on it as soon as you have the desire and get a head start!
Naturally the award for best set of new years resolutions goes to Bridget Jones with her resolutions to "obviously lose weight", "maintain inner goddess" and "not become involved with commitment phobics, perverts, cheaters or emotional fuckwits". I could sit here now and resolve to lose the 30 odd kilos I've piled back on, give up chocolate and go zen in my bedroom (that'd be a hell of a clear out! Anyone interested in 300 odd CDS, a ton of cuddly toys and a lot of band t-shirts then apply here).
Every other new year I've promised myself "this is the year I'll get better" and yet now that's not on the cards. I always resolve to give up my cutting habit, I get good patches like I'm in at the moment where it's been just over a month but I know that there will most likely be a situation where a small cut will be far better than an utter meltdown especially if I'm at work or something.
You know me I hate writing an entirely negative blog, and the truth is that, for me, I'm feeling fairly stable at the moment. Kind of a 60/40 split on happy v depressed. There were aspects of the year that sucked like losing a good friend recently 'cos of my fear of social situations. But obviously 2013 had awesome memories like being side of stage at the O2, bloody arena with Helen or having a fantastic weekend at Download with Gem or my favourite few days of the year my girlie weekend away with Helen and Rach.
I know that 2014 will bring good things just like 2013 did. For example I'm hoping to meet up with Lydia and Hilary, two of my oldest friends from school who I haven't seen for a year due to my social anxieties. Hopefully with baby steps I'll reconnect with more people who I don't see but miss dearly. Admittedly I probably don't have the right to miss them since it was me who broke off contact due to my anxiety problems.
Plus did I mention I have a new camera to play with? :p
Love Jen
XxxxX
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