Isolation - A Stand Alone Novella

As a lot of writers do when they have a block on a story they go off and work on another story altogether (or so I've been told). So instead of getting the hotly anticipated follow-up to EMDR Chapter 1 we instead go to the Lockdown Diaries.

Here in the UK we went into full lockdown last Monday evening (pretty much a week save a few hours). Meaning that we can only go out of the house to A) work (if we're part of a vital service - HUGE  thanks to the amazing NHS, Retail and public transport workers keeping everything going and the public looked after) B) to shop (although we have to keep a distance of 2 meters apart at all times - my crowd hating person finds this absolute heaven) and C) to excercise such as walking Eos (and photographing her under pretty blossom trees). 

Apparently this lockdown is for a minimum of 3 weeks but is likely to go on far longer. And *spoiler* isolation sucks. Now to be fair I don't go out every day as it is, I'm often to low or anxious to leave the house except to go to my counselling/OT appointments or to see Helen. Because of the lockdown none of these things are happening now.

Not being able to see Helen is probably the hardest thing. She works at the same hospital I did until last summer when everything went tits up. So she's having to take the isolation incredibly seriously as she works on one of the wards. We've been friends for 10 years this summer (poor her!) and this is the longest we've been without physically seeing each other in that time. Thankfully we can still talk due to the wonders of WhatsApp and can parrall watch stuff on our laptops (Baby Yoda here we come). 

But not seeing your best friend when you live in the same town is horrible. I wasn't able to help her move on Wednesday, or help with the shopping at the weekend. A big source of support has been ripped away. Lots of people are getting really creative with online meet ups and quizzes etc but it just makes me feel even more alone.

Another support that has vanished are my counselling and OT sessions that I have every couple of weeks. My counselling particularly is a big hit. It's the only space I have to get the craziness in my head off of my chest, the only place I can really talk without freaking people out. The thoughts in my head have been getting worse and worse, most of my waking hours are spent counting the minutes until its time to go back to sleep wishing I had the courage to open my pill cabinet or deciding what pretty pattern to carve next. 

At times like this I rely on having things to look forward to that I can try and focus on but it's all getting cancelled due to this stupid pandemic. No airshows, no gigs, no anything for me. And being told that everyone is in the same boat really doesn't help, it just reinforces that I'm obviously too mentally weak to cope with something sensible people can. I've given up weighing myself now since my only joy in life is now chocolate, so bye bye to the weight loss I achieved and how proud everyone was of me. Once a fat loser (or gainer in this case) always a fat loser (gainer). 

I'm at breaking point and we're only a week in.

Love Jen

XxxX