Dancing At My Funeral - Yungblud & A Trip To London

 

I finally did it! I've been to a gig for the first time in 3 years 😁! I've been desperate to see Yungblud for ages now and when he announced a show for the Teenage Cancer Trust with support from Nova Twins I knew I had to push through my anxiety and mental health problems and go. I'm so glad I did as I had a brilliant couple of days of live music, cute animals, museums and general London life. 

I always love the view when I pull into Victoria

Masked and ready to travel

I wanted to make the most of having an overnight stay in London so decided to visit London Zoo. The weather was absolutely beautiful and there was some beautiful blossom on the walk to the zoo. 

As an animal lover the zoo is always guaranteed to keep me entertained, even if I do want to bring all the animals (except the reptiles obviously) home ....

Hanging with the Lemurs

On a warm, sunny day it seemed rude not to have an ice cream ....

After the zoo I went to find my hotel Mayflower Hotel & Apartments. It was really pretty and with the added bonus of a 4 poster bed!

A room tour just like a proper blogger!

Ready to go!

The Royal Albert Hall is so beautiful!

 

It's a bit posh in here ....

I keep all my old tickets so it was nice to have an 'actual' ticket rather than a printed A4 sheet.

I arrived just in time for the first support act Daisy Brain who were really good, a nice mix of grunge and emo. I've already got some of their music and I look forward to hearing what they release next. 

 

I was really looking forward to seeing Nova Twins, I've liked them ever since I heard their song with Bring Me The Horizon 1x1 and they were absolutely fantastic!!!!

 

 

I was so excited to finally see Yungblud, I've actually had tickets for two of his previous shows but my mental health was too awful to go. His show was so, so, so worth powering through my brain block to see him. He's definitely one of the most energetic performers I've ever seen and his passion for the music shows through so clearly. I also love that he's so mental health and LGBTQ+ positive and, much like with 30STM & Lady GaGa shows, there was such a good atmosphere of acceptance and community. I can't wait to see him again. 

 

 

Plenty of steps by the end of the day!

My train today wasn't until lunchtime so I decided to spend the morning at The British Museum. I wanted to see the Sutton Hoo Collection as every other time I've tried to visit it the collection has either been out on loan or the gallery has been closed.

  

 

The other collection I enjoyed was the Egyptian Life & Death in particular the paintings from Nebamun's tomb. 

I also played 'Spot The Eos' (everyone thinks she looks like Anubis)

I guess they have a point ...

The two galleries I visited were only a fraction of what the museum has to offer, there really is something for everyone. In fact Helen and I will be going back in the summer for their Feminine Power - The Divine To The Demonic which I'm incredibly excited for given my witchy spiritual path. 

All to soon I was back on the train home knackered but still buzzing from a fantastic concert and so glad to be doing these things again.

Love Jen

XxxX

A is for Autism?

Hi guys I hope you're all having a good 2022 so far? So as most of you will know I've struggled with mental illness for most of my life; Borderline Personality Disorder and OCD. But it turns out there might be another element to the miswiring of my brain.

My friend Ian suggested that I may actually be on the Autistic Spectrum, at first I wasn't sure although as we were walking along I asked if being 'on the spectrum' might account for how clumsy I am...... Just as I walked into a post 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️.

I decided to look into the possibility of having an ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) and it turns out that I fit a lot of the criteria. Historically ASD has been far more likely to be diagnosed in boys and young men than it has in girls and young women. Girls often learn to'mask' their symptoms from an early age and are apparently notoriously hard to diagnose, hence a lot of women not being diagnosed with Autism or other disorders such as ADHD or Dyspraxia until well into adulthood.

I read some articles online and also spoke to a friend who was only diagnosed with ADHD in her 30s who offered me a lot of insight. I didn't want to self-diagnose via Dr Google so I did a deep dive into the subject (a classic 'intense interest'). I started by asking my Counsellor if she thought I could have both BPD & OCD and she said it was most likely that my BPD grew out of the problems and traumas caused by being on the spectrum. 

I found an author called Sarah Hendrickx and her book Women And Girls With Autistic Spectrum Disorder which gave me so many 'lightbulb' moments. Another book I found useful was I Think I Might Be Autistic  by Cynthia Kim. There was also a wealth of information on YouTube channels such as Yo Samdy Sam, The Aspie Word and Purple Ella. However one video stuck out for me in particular which was Autism & Borderline Personality Disorder by Kate Emily Brinly. Watching it was like watching someone describe my childhood and teenage years and the struggles I had.

So what are the symptoms that have led me to consider ASD as a possibility? First off and the most obvious I would say is my 'weirdness' (or 'individuality' on a good day), since I was a really young kid I've always felt different and strange. I wouldn't react to things in the same way other kids did, I would struggle with anything different to what I expected (I remember a meltdown because we had a supply teacher one day), I was always happier reading or playing alone, at lunchtimes I would rather spend time with the dinner ladies than my friends who I'd invariably been dropped by.Obviously the move to secondary school was hell, looking back now I think this is where a lot of my emotional 'BPD' symptoms grew from. This was where I was badly bullied and sexually assaulted and had to deal with constantly shifting situations, taking people who were pretending to be my friends for their own ulterior motives at face value. 

One of my most obvious symptoms that any of my friends and family will recognise is my, er slightly obsessive personality to put it mildly. From micro-obsessions that don't last long (although this has been useful in focusing me on my research) to the all consuming ones about people, music, films (although I think watching Top Gun or The Lion King repeatedly is a talent!), stories or er planes. My family and friends have had to put up with so much waffling and repeating about them over the years (another thing that made me a target at school was talking about them to anyone who would listen) and probably being bored stiff by them 😳.

There are absolutely tons more characteristics that fit me and my life experience - being incredibly sensitive to other's moods & actions or topics that upset me, missing social queues such as when to and not to talk (sorry I interrupt so much), being good at some subjects (English, Languages) and appalling at others (Maths or anything with numbers brings me out in a cold sweat), clinginess to those I trust and escaping to into my own fantasy worlds to avoid the difficulties and hurt of real life. There are others I could list but this would be more like a novel than a blog 😂.

On Friday I plucked up the courage to message my GP and ask for a referral to be assessed for Autism. Not only did he reply almost immediately but also praised me for all the research I'd done. This gave me such a sense of relief that I was believed enough to go through to the 'next stage' of the diagnostic process. The waiting list for an appointment is incredibly long so it may be quite a wait to be seen but I do feel confident that I should get the diagnosis.

I hope that if I do get the diagnosis I can start to forgive myself for the way I acted when I was younger that made me a target. It really wasn't 'my fault' I actually couldn't help it, it's how my brain has developed.

I shall keep you guys updated on the progress of my getting a diagnosis 🤞🏻🤞🏻.

Love Jen

XxxX

Ps A Plane Geek on the spectrum who'dve thought it 😱😂😂😂