The force has been strong in my depression for the last few days. I normally expect a bit of post-Airbourne depression and can ‘prepare’ for that but this is a different beast.
I’ve been utterly miserable, had even less energy than normal (believe it or not!) – I’m supposed to be going to see Deap Vally tonight over in Brighton but since this morning I barely managed to leave the house to go to work that’s not gonna be on the cards.
I sometimes think that the problem is my brain can’t tell the difference between excitement and anxiety, I guess they’re similar physical symptoms at times – butterflies in stomach, fast breathing etc. When I have a bad anxiety patch then my mood plummets.
I was really ‘up’ (no pun intended) for Airbourne – especially when they announced the F16 would be all 4 days. I felt like my old self for those couple of days, cheerful and positive. Then the airshow was over and my cheer stopped abruptly. I was looking forward to the new 30 Seconds To Mars song being released on Tuesday (it’s fantastic btw) but what are you supposed to do after the 15th listen?
I just feel like I’m wading through mud at the moment and when I’m in this situation I always ask myself ‘is it worth looking forward to or doing things that I enjoy when this is always the outcome?’.
Love Jen
XxxX
No comments:
Post a Comment