Stuck

I try to put a positive spin on my Bipolar Disorder, claiming that it's great 'cos it helps my creativity and the good moods, when they come are awesome. But sometimes it comes and smacks you in the face that it is a limiting, problem causing, thoroughly unpleasant condition. It's caused me so many problems in my job which has the knock on effect of me being under review and studied under a critical microscope. I've asked for help and support from work and pretty much been told to put up and shut up, accused of playing the 'disability card' (I know I probably shouldn't be writing about this on here but I just don't give a flying f**k anymore) when trying to stand up for myself.

 

I keep trying to access help for my moods that are rapidly spinning out of control, work HR won't help, all my GP can do is give me more tablets, Occ Health attached to work won't entertain signing me off. It just feels like every professional is washing their hands of me and, as ever, my family and friends are being left to pick up the pieces. I wonder how off the wall do I have to be to be taken seriously? Do I literally have to turn up at A&E threatening to harm myself just to get some help and advice?  

 

Then I have to consider what work should I be doing? Am I not cut out for anything other than stacking shelves or filing records? Sadly there's not a Bipolar job agency I can wander to, although I have to laugh at the thought that it would probably run super-fast half the time and reaaaaallllyyyy sloooowwwwllly the rest of the time. But you get the idea!

 

I have to face the fact that I'm never going to achieve anything in my lifetime with this stupid, stupid illness.

 

Love Jen

XxxX