2015 In Pictures

2015 has definitely finished better than it started. At the start of the year everything was black, I was signed off work and could see no way out of the situation. Things aren't perfect now, my moods are still up and down and my OCD has a lot of peaks but compared to how things were, it's a walk in the park!



The biggest change has been moving back to work on the staff bank at the hospital. It's like temping so I don't get paid for any days off or sick days (which there have been a few of lately due to my stupid moods) but it's brilliantly flexible. I started off on on reception which didn't really suit me (I hate people!) but now I work in the admin side of things, sending out letters, filing etc which is in no way high powered, very menial and not great pay but I love it. I've found my level and I don't have to worry about people scrutinizing everything I do, looking for things to report on. It's also fantastic as I'm able to pop down to visit the guys in the records library where I worked before which has led to good old fashioned nights out!

Me and Shelby - on Saturdays we wear black

The year started off with Kay welcoming Donna to the UK for a week's visit and I was lucky enough to join them for two days in Brighton and London. Unfortunately the weather was typically British but hopefully Donna will remember the taste of 'proper' Guinness and umbrella shopping as well as the rain!



This year me, Helen and Kay have also been practicing the perfect 'triple selfie' -



Looking foward to practicing more tomorrow ladies!

Speaking of group photos it's also been the year of the 'Group Facebook Cover Photo' -

My Birthday

Luke's Birthday

Barry's Birthday

Christmas!

Speaking of my birthday, this year I decided to use my passion for music as a theme for a party. We had a festival themed BBQ with inflatable instruments, music themed decorations and even genuine mud, wind and rain! It's the little details that make the difference I find .....

Pre-party with Helen, Kay & Corney (More from him later)

Luke, Barry, Helen & Me

Cutting the cake

I managed a pretty good year musically too and managed to go to some really good gigs!

First off were The Who at the O2 Arena in March (Read more about it here)

Mum and I enjoyed the show so much that over breakfast the next morning we booked to see them again in Hyde Park in June!

Off to London

Festival Chic ..... or something like that ......

We had the most beautiful sunset to accompany the show

A couple of weeks ago I went to see The Prodigy with Luke & Barry at Wembley Arena. They were as fantastic as always (even if a lot of the audience around us had to sit down for a rest halfway through the show!) and we had a really good day out.

What do you mean not everyone enjoys a pre-gig Nutella cocktail???

As I'm sure you'll have all guessed, gig of the year goes to 30 Seconds To Mars at St John-At-Hackney. It was a beautiful little church and the atmosphere was just perfect. It was a low key, casual show and everyone just had fun. I've actually watched the footage of the show this evening and it proves that it was wonderful as I remember. 

Cheers guys

There's been so many great days out this year, from fun at the fair -

Jamie being deafened

Visiting Kay and stealing, sorry worshipping her furbabies -

Kay and Honey

Me and Honey

Kay, Helen & Tilly

One of the most inspiring days out was when Helen & I went to the Alexander McQueen exhibition at the V&A. It was simply amazing, the clothes were perfect, we'd been to an exhibition last year of Italian Couture and quite simply those items looked shabby compared to the clothes in Savage Beauty. We weren't allowed to take photos in there but here's a snippet from the V&A.

I did manage to rock some pretty epic 'tube hair'

As a birthday treat for me we had lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe! I've loved the Hard Rock ever since our trip to Niagara Falls in 2011 when we spent the day in one chatting to the staff about 30 Seconds To Mars.

Hurricanes 'O Clock!

We were back in London in July for a break with Kay to take in Comic Con and I even managed to find an Alice In Wonderland exhibition. There's loads more photos here but these are some highlights -

Steampunked up in Victoria Station

Kay & Helen being entertained by Corney

Helen finding her Nirvana in Forbes

I like to co-ordinate with the exhibitions I go to!

Helen being her normal polite self when I suggested she may enjoy looking inside the Museum Of London

This year I've added to my tattoo collection with a white feather for Kay, a ladybird for Helen (mine and Kay's nickname for her) and a blue butterfly to signify new beginnings. 

Under wraps

The whole arm

This year me and Chris finally managed to go to a motor race. We went to the UK leg of the Formula E championship in Battersea Park with Vana & Milan. 

Group Photo!

We were naturally blessed with the weather!

The squirrel was most unimpressed with the weather and crowds!

I really enjoyed the race, it was bloody exciting and the British guy won! 

Bruno Senna coming out of the pits

It didn't hurt that we were under the Heathrow flightpath either ......

Oh hi A380

It's been a contrasting year in plane geekery. There was obviously the horrendous events at Shoreham which I think most of us in the plane geek community are struggling to come to terms with.

There were highlights though, for the first time in 5 years me and Dad went to Biggin Hill airshow. 

I love this photo - it could be the 1940s!

The Typhoon & Spitfire commemorating the 75th anniversary of the Battle Of Britain 

I got this snap of the Royal Navy Black Cats and they tweeted me to say how much they liked it!

The highlight of the day was the Red Arrows flying with the Battle Of Britain Memorial Flight's Spitfires & Hurricanes

I've already written a great long blog about Airbourne this year so here's a couple of highlights -

The Red Arrows

Chinook

The Blades

Typhoon

Mustang

RAF Tutor

This year we were blessed to have the Vulcan display as part of her final season (more of that here) and we had a fantastic view of her as she was holding.

She ran in exactly level with us!

The other highlight of the day was being buzzed by one of the Red Arrows as it shot over the downs!

No zoom needed!

We had a further suprise visit from Vulcan XH558 in September so it was back up to Beachy Head to watch -

Grandma, Grandad and Helen

Grandma, Grandad and Me

The main attraction


Eastbourne was also one of the vantage points for the Battle Of Britain memorial day flypasts




On 11th October came a day that I'd been dreading since the start of the airshow season. The Vulcan's final flight. We went up to Wellshurst Golf Club to see her and I couldn't help crying as she swept over us for the final time. I can't believe it was the last time I'll ever see her.

Goodbye beautiful

Last month me and Helen went to watch Chris, Mum, Dad and Vana Go Kart racing. We decided to provide helpful commentary i.e watching and pointing occasionally!

Hello we will be your commentary team for today!

Chris suited up

Vana

Mum and Dad

The annual meeting of the Racing Driver Look-Alikes Club

Chris in action

Although my favourite shot of that day is still Chris apologising for over-taking Vana!




Here's a couple of my favorite 'photography' shots of the year  -
 




A nice family photo from November -

Uncle Alan, Dad, Mum, Chris, Grandad, Grandma, Auntie Sandra, Tim & Uncle Neil

This year I've been nagged into being Christmassy by Helen and my family so I agreed to have a tree in my room on the condition that my tree was black and gold 1920s/Art Deco themed. I set Helen to work and I think you'll agree she did a pretty damn good job!



Speaking of Christmas, Santa very kindly bought Luke some photo props that were used to good effect, and I feel it would be unkind to James not to include his new favourite photo of me!



Christmas Day included a trip to visit Grandma & Grandad -

Nick, Grandma, Me, Grandad, Chris & Tim

Of course no blog is complete without news of the girls and I think this picture sums up their year perfectly .......


Happy New Year!

Love Jen
XxxxX



And now I must pass you over to my handsome companion for -

The year according to Corney-

Hello unicorn fans Corney here. Mum says you'll all want to hear about what I've been up to so I'm putting hooves to laptop!
This year I've been very lucky and spent lots of time with my Aunties Helen & Kay. 

Here I am with Auntie Helen, Auntie Kay and Millie Moo

I got to go to London and meet Auntie Donna

This year I met my lady love Harriet, Auntie Kay introduced us and we've been inseparable ever since!

My Lady Harriet

 I have also continued to dazzle and awe those around me with my fantastic fashion sense. I have frequently spent my pocket money at the Bear Factory as they very kindly sell Corney-sized clothes.

This is my ghost Halloween costume that Mum made me

Dungarees Ahoy!

Captain America wishes he was as heroic as me!

But let's face it, I'm so handsome I even make a shopping bag look good!

I've also been a very good boy and taken Mum and Auntie Helen out on lots of trips!

Hot Chocolate Mum?

Supervising Mum & Auntie at Airbourne

Tally Ho!

Stop cramping my style Mum!

This is my friend Puggle who moved in with Auntie Helen this year

It's been a very fun year with lots of adventures, I can't wait for more trips and more shopping!
Happy New Year from me and Harriet



And always remember ........




Love from Corney 
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

But Sir It Is Only A Wafer Thin Thought

This time of year is always a shit. It co-incides with the days getting shorter and darker, the anniversary of Nat's suicide and my usual trepidation about Christmas and New Year.

 

It's funny as most people see Christmas and New Year as a festival of light, whereas all it means to me is an all pervasive gloom that seems to surround everything. You may remember that I tried to 'do' Christmas with enthusiasm last year and it ended up with me on a manic, sleepless state in the days leading up to Christmas Day and a massive drop off on Christmas Day itself. I barely remember the day, I was so detached and miserable that day, all I clearly remember is taking down my Christmas tree in the evening in a fit of anger and frustration that I couldn't even enjoy the day like everyone else does.

 

I've been struggling so much the last week or so, obviously the aforementioned anniversary of losing Nat has loomed large, she loved Christmas, she used to live for it each year. Her favourite ever song was Wizzard "I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day" kinda summing her attitude up.  Which let's be honest did her absolutely no good in the end did it?

 

I guess most people view the festive period as days out of the ordinary, as Chris put it "an excuse to be lazy, eat and drink loads" my brother is a very wise being! My problem lies with the fact that due to my mental state I can never predict how I'll feel each day. It's not as easy as "decide that Christmas will be a good day, think positively" as I've been told by various people. Let me use being  tired as an example, your body has decided that it's in this state and no amount of bloody-mindedness or positive thinking with change the fact that you're tired. The same is true when I'm in a depressed, manic or OCD state. I guess if I had to 'pick' a state to be in over Christmas then manic would be ok if it was at it's early bouncy and happy stage, if it's a few days in and onto it's wired and anxious stage then forget it.

 

I've had so many days and afternoons off work the last few weeks because of my head it's getting ridiculous. The problem is what I don't work I don't get paid so not only am I succumbing to the idiocy of my moods I'm also poorer for it! I know that it's caused by missing Nat, Kay's worsening health and other minor triggers. Sometimes my head feels like it's bursting with thoughts, I have a vision of it exploding Mr Creosote-style if it tries to squeeze in one more 'wafer thin' thought.

 

There are aspects of Christmas that I like and do try and partake in enthusiastically each year, I love planning what to buy people, making lists once I'm sure and ticking off each item as it's bought/ordered and arrives. I love making things for people, this year I'm cross-stitching lots of Christmas cards. I really like seeing other people's excitement and enjoyment but then I also worry that my mood is brining them down. I also like remembering what Christmas was like as a kid, all that excitement when everything seemed magical. Obviously my favourite thing is still Bacon-Wrapped Sausages or Pigs In Blankets, whatever you prefer to call them, they are the best thing about Christmas!

 

So yes I will once again try to paint a merry face on this year, I'll try not to wrinkle my nose too much at Christmas songs, I will gladly accept mince pies and Bacon-Wrapped Sausages, I already have an Art Deco themed tree that Helen decorated for me (it's the most gorgeous thing ever, all I can do is stare at it!), I'll finish the damn cross-stitched cards even if my hand drops off (quite possible at this point!), and I will try, try, try to be happy and fun to be around.

 

This does not extend to wearing a Christmas jumper though!

 

Love Jen

XxxX

You

You left such a massive hole in our lives.

You never knew how loved you were.

You were suffering so badly which is why I understand what you did and why.

You showed me that there is always that back-up option when things are that bad.

You always let me come round and hug your bunnies and Guinea Pigs, Estelle and Esme still live happily in your hutch.

You're the only person I know who took carrots to the cinema!

You borrowed my prescription sunglasses so you could watch the Wingwalkers more easily at Airbourne, much to my disgust!

You are solely responsible for my Wispa addiction......  Mostly

You made me die laughing when I woke up in the middle of the night to a text from you with the name of the 3rd chipmunk from Alvin & The Chipmunks that we had spent the whole evening trying to remember (It's Simon!!).

You are the reason I worry about and check-up on my friends and family every day.

You would be impressed by Esme's disapproving glare, especially when you could give quite the glare yourself.

Your love of Nesquick milkshake was legendary.

You were so so brave my love and I miss you so much.

Love you lots Nat, I hope you're safe and happy.

Jen
XxxX

A Long Way From Home

This morning it was reported that Newport council, in a effort to ‘deal’ with it’s homeless, are debating bringing in Public Order prosecutions or even £1000 fines for those ‘caught’ sleeping rough in the city. I think this is absolutely sickening. Firstly that human beings desperately in need of help are treated as some kind of vermin that needs to be swept away and second of all that the lack of thought going into these plans.

 

Now I admit that, thank god, neither I or anyone I know has ever had any first hand experience of being homeless but it would seem to me that being homeless is probably not a lifestyle choice.  People end up homeless for 100s of different reasons: poverty, running from abuse, drug or alcohol addiction or mental illness to name but a few. The powers that be in this country are wringing their hands about the refugee crisis that we have seen across Europe this summer whilst ignoring the problem, as they have done for many years, far closer to home. Whilst I agree that the refugee crisis is a humanitarian disaster and these people desperately need help, their stories are reported daily across the media. What about the stories of those living rough on the streets? Are their circumstances not as newsworthy?

 

Perhaps because the general consensus is that these unfortunate souls are ‘to blame’ for their situation it makes it easier to treat them as subhuman and look away from them when we pass them in the street. The most popular blame thrown is that they are drug and alcohol addicts and deserve to be on the streets. Opinion varies but I believe that, along with other disorders of the brain, addiction is a genuine illness. My OCD is a form of compulsion which is exactly what substance, alcohol or gambling addictions are, if I was on the street would it be my fault? Or those that have run away from domestic or sexual abuse, are they to blame too? Just as we are learning about the refugees’ individual traumas should we not also apply this to the homeless? Is one human being’s awful situation more valid than another’s just because fleeing from war or oppression is easier to accept than someone desperately in need of the same shelter and medical attention?

 

A large percentage of homeless are in fact ex-service personnel, often suffering from PTSD leading to addiction or poverty, can we surely not afford them the help they need when they have served and often put their lives on the line for this country? For them the conflict doesn’t end  in Iraq or Afghanistan they are still fighting for their lives every day just in a different theatre of war. Do these men and women not deserve dignity and our sympathy?

 

I know that there are not unlimited funds to help everyone but surely a little more money and attention could be given to not only helping those on the streets but identifying those potentially at risk of ending up homeless? I’m not anti-refugee in any way, shape or form, I just believe that to achieve the equality and humanitarian work that this country prides itself on that whilst we care for those fleeing war we also look after ‘our own’.

 

Love Jen

XxxX

Analyse This

I realised that I haven't reported back from my Psychiatrist appointment the week before last. What with the most important day of the year (Halloween) following in quick succesion my mind was obviously taken up with higher matters!

 

The appointment went as well as an appointment discussing someone's broken mind can go. Helen came with me which was good as she can provide outside insight into behaviours I exhibit or things I saw that seem normal to me but are actually not!

 

We discussed how the OCD element of my problems has been ruling my life over the last few months. Helen pointed out that it all got really bad after the Shoreham disaster, I guess it completely threw me when something so important to me is affected in that way. I also mentioned the retirement of the Vulcan, expecting to be laughed at but as he pointed out it's a passion of mine so the OCD would 'go for' it. Ditto with my music OCDs and also my worrying about the bunnies.

 

My mood is still quite up and down - not helped by the OCD attacks so my mood stabiliser Lamotrigine has been increased to 300MG. I also need to go to my GP to get some Propranolol for the anxiety that then spills into OCD *adds to to do list*. He asked about my general behaviours and it turns out that I'm not very good at picking up or working within social queues and situations. As well as quickly flipping into being angry (shame I don't go giant and green, although I don't think purple shorts would suit me!) Which apparently is classic Borderline behaviour.

 

Me being me I completely forgot to ask about any of the therapies I researched and whether they're availble here, which I highly doubt to be honest. And also what the 'prognosis' is for getting myself under control and if it's at all possible. So I'm going to construct a letter and whizz it off to them in the next few days.

 

Here's hoping that the meds increase starts to have a positive effect, obviously aside from my weird night time hallucinations of a 'prescence' standing over me, it's lucky it's not a real ghost/alien/shadow person as it would seriously not want to face the wrath of Jen when her (already poor) sleep is distrubed!.

 

Love Jen

XxxX