Where are you Christmas?

Obviously I need to include a cute Christmas photo of Eos!

So as many of you know I am the Grinch incarnate when it comes to Christmas (also I must say I'm loving the Grinch meal at Macca D's 😆) but believe it or not it hasn't always been this way! 

When I was a little kid I was ridiculously excited and absorbed by the magic of the festive season (Dad will confirm there was that Christmas eve when I wouldn't go to sleep until 5am), even as I got older and into my teens I still loved it - even working in retail whilst I was at college didn't dim it for me.

I think it all changed when my depression  started properly around the Autumn of 2025 that coupled with some New Years Eves'  witnessing some quite awful domestic abuse of someone I knew at the time (I won't go into details as it's not my story to tell but I hope they're healed and happy now). New Year's Eve being something I'm even more Grinchy about believe it or not. 

Suddenly Christmas lost it's sparkle and was a day where joy directly contrasted the pit I was in. Not helped by losing two of my dearest friends Nat in 2008 and Kay in 2016 right before Christmas. I started putting up a barrier between myself and the festive season, even going as far as the great Christmas tree take down on Christmas Day of 2013 😆.

Whilst I know there's no way of matching the Christmases of my youth, Christmas Eve in the pub and family Boxing Day gatherings are long gone but I wish I could still feel that same joy.

There were some Christmas highlights over the years - Eos & Norman's first Christmas together when they played all day and of course Mum's and my trips to the Christmas markets in Vienna in 2019 and 2023. Of course last Christmas and this year are difficult since Mum passed away especially as she was the one in our household who loved Christmas. Whereas Dad and I live up to the Scrooge narrative. 

I guess I'm afraid of putting my energy into Christmas and repeating other year's depression. I want to decorate my room, listen to Christmas songs, watch Christmas films, judge inferior Christmas markets, look at Christmas displays and be excited for the big day and revel in the joy that I used to feel. I want to enjoy New Year's Eve again and go out and socialise rather than going to bed at 10 and being cross when the midnight fireworks wake me up.

I guess to quote Cindy Lou Who "Where are you Christmas?" And can I get you back?

Love Jen

XXXX 🎄

An Autumn trip to Glastonbury

 

Last month I was able to enjoy a first for me - staying a few days in Glastonbury. Normally I go for the day on a coach trip which is a 6/8 hour round trip and means I have to zip around the locations like a gothic bee to make sure I see and do everything I want to do. Staying a few nights meant I was able to take things at a slower pace and savour my time there. 

My trip consisted of a train from Eastbourne to London which was nice and easy and then a coach to Glastonbury. Unfortunately arriving into Victoria train station was where the smooth sailing ended and where the nightmare began. I had a short walk to Victoria Coach Station. 

When I got there it was absolute hell. The boards listing the coaches kept flicking through at about 100 miles an hour so I couldn't find my gate or coach and there was no-one around to ask. I started to have the first proper autistic meltdown of my life which really wasn't fun. I saw a sign for National Express and headed that way in the hope I'd find my coach. Spoiler alert I did. 

The work of the devil

Once I was on the coach it was super comfy and I really enjoyed going along the Thames out of London. In fact I nodded off and didn't come to again until we were on the outskirts of Bristol.

Cute colourful Bristol houses

Once I got to Bristol coach station the travel saga continued when once again my next coach wasn't listed. Thankfully this time there was someone to ask who told me that the final hour and a half of the journey was by regular (League Of Gentleman Voice) local bus service. Thank god my suitcase wasn't bigger than it was as lugging it to find a seat at the back of the bus wasn't fun. 

Reading back now it's probably easy to brush the experience off as 'just one of those things' but unfortunately when it comes to my miswired brain when I get a bad anxiety episode (well above my daily 6/10 anxiety baseline) it kicks in my least favourite of my brain cocktails OCD. 

I don't tend to mention my OCD much to people as it isn't the stereotypical 'must clean' (my bedroom will attest to that) or 'check the locks' compulsions. Mine is a particularly nasty brand of intrusive thoughts and compulsions that at their very worst (as it was on this break, ta coaches) constantly bombard my brain with thoughts of people harming animals. As you know I adore animals and the thought of any harm coming to them makes me feel physically sick and want to sob out loud so when your brain is literally cornering you with those thoughts and you have to just carry on as normal ... yeah not fun especially when it's happening at the place in the world I'm normally at my calmest. 

I finally got to Glastonbury about half 5. I'd booked to stay at The Market House Inn which I knew from my other Glastonbury trips as my final stop for a pee and an apple juice before I got back on the coach 😂 It's also helpfully right by the bus and coach stop and opposite the Abbey. 

This was my very comfy home for 3 nights. 

Posh biscuits!

View from the window

Being Glastonbury I felt it was only right to set up my travel altar on the windowsill (normally it consists of a couple of little crystals on my bedside table in a hotel room).

Tarot cards, deity crystals, spells for charging at The Chalice Well, my wand and my headdress. Partridge in the pear tree not pictured.

Best of all was my private bathroom which had a bath! In a classic case of 'grass is greener' I never made use of the bath when we had one as normally I get bored once I'm in. This time I'd pre-shopped at Lush and had a different bath bomb for every night of the trip (I'm easily pleased). 

Oh and a gin too

I've never actually used bath bombs before so watching it whizz round the bath kept my simple self most amused. 

A beautiful sunset before bed

The next day it was really nice to get up and ready at my own pace. When I was last away at RIAT I was up at 5am to be on the bus into the show at 6.30am so staying in bed until 8am seemed like luxury. 

Suitably witchy dress

Chalice Well necklace (please ignore my natural coloured hair)

After breakfast at the pub I went straight up to the Chalice Well . It was so nice being able to walk up slowly rather than a route march to maximise my time there. I meant I got to look at the lovely paintings and the countryside around the town. 

Autumn had well and truly arrived in Glastonbury too and the colours were pretty spectacular. 

The most 'Autumn' photo ever taken?

When I got to the well I went up to the meadow that sits above it. I'd never had the time to go there before and was able to tuck myself under a tree and watch the world go by.

The Wellhead looked absolutely beautiful. 

Charging my tools at the well head

I spent nearly an hour just sat at the well head feeling it's energy and calm. 

Some other lovely decorations.

The lower pool (too cold for paddling this time!) -

A cheeky friend

A Wildcat flypast on my way back into the town

I popped into My Fine Deli and had the yummiest bakewell slice and decaff cappuccino.

 

I went into Starchild and as always was blown away by their incense design. 

The shops were all Halloween-ready with their storefronts. 

Back at the hotel with some goodies

The evening's bath bomb was a unicorn with some pink gin. 

Another beautiful sunset

The next morning I decided to take the short bus ride to Wells as I've been passed it every time I've been on the coach to Glastonbury and never actually visited. 

The high street -

This is the well that gives Wells it's name. 

The market place

I took advantage of the dry weather to walk around Wells Cathedral which is absolutely stunning inside and out. 

It's huge

The cathedral clock

Inside the cathedral

Beautiful stained glass windows -

The famous 'scissors' 

Just off the cathedral is Vicar's Close which is believed to be the only complete medieval street left in England. It's really pretty. There was also a cute cat which is always bonus. 

The sun was still out so I walked around the outside of the Bishops Palace and the Autumn colour theme continued.

After a scone I jumped back on the bus to Glastonbury. 

4/5 on the scone scale

As I got to the Chalice Well I was treated to a low flypast from an RAF Globemaster!

Back again

Someone had added some apples to the wellhead. 

I also found these beautiful berries in the gardens which looked just like some that Mum and I found in Vienna Zoo on our first trip. It was happy but sad at the same time. 

Aren't they beautiful?

The final bath bomb of the trip was this pink witch one (very appropriate). 

A  final view of the Tor whilst waiting for the bus back to Bristol. 

Thankfully the trip back was uneventful as I knew where the National Express gate was back at the coach station. 

I really enjoyed staying in Glastonbury although my OCD and anxiety really put some effort in to be extra horrible. I'd definitely stay at the pub again just for the bath! 

Love Jen

XxxX